1. The "pegging party"

You hear something like that and you think it sounds sexy huh? pfft

What you don't know is, lifestyle people are not models. They're just regular ppl. Usually nerdy, older, and the women, like myself, are all usually plus size. It's an ego boost, but it's not a hot scene. I think it's hot for those who aren't hung up on looks and just like to play. Which is a lot of people. The ppl were very nice and I felt safe there. The host, Mama Kat, was sooooo sweet to me. She took really good care of me. Pretty sure I was the youngest one there. Which should tell you something. But they're way more sexually free. Very loud about it too. 

I don't play with anyone I don't have a connection with. I have to a. be attracted to you, b. know you pretty well, and most importantly, trust you. The ppl at these parties......I don't know if any of that matters honestly. For them, the men at least, it just seems to be about opportunity. 

Let me give you a brief run down of what I saw:

1. a femme presenting person (can't tell if it was a sissy or pre transition trans woman), whipping and them humping another guy (both old).

2. Swingers in a bedroom where there were 2 guys 69ing with one woman eating out the ass of one of the guys. I've never seen ppl have se---- actually not true. When I hooked up with that couple they had sex in front of me. But they were hot and it was sexy af. But also intimate. This was 3 ( older) not hot strangers and it was just....weird. not hot. at all. plus I felt bad looking at them, seems rude. But it was interesting to witness. 

3. A guy----sissy and "her" Domme I had seen at social munches before. I watch "her" get paddled and whipped. It was loud. and kind of funny which isn't the reaction I expected myself to have. I've been so afraid of impact play but, it was done in such a respectful and lighthearted way that it seemed playful and fun. I wouldn't participate of course but it was nice to see them having fun.

4. This was the best part of the whole night. At one point Mama Kat asked if I liked getting foot rubs. I said yeah. She said there's a man here (her sub) who loves to give foot rubs and do I want one. I had just gotten a pedicure that day so I was like sure! So I sat on the couch and reclined and this guy rubbed my feet. It felt so good. And it made me realize how much I actually enjoy having my feet worshipped. He asked if I could put them on his face, and I did. That's when my Domme side came out. And I love how natural and assertive I was after that. I now want to find a foot sub......because it felt like pampering plus the added bonus of smothering is sooooooooooooooooo delicious. ugh. Plus it's sooooo cute to see a guy enjoying my feet so much. Just adorable. 

All in all I'd say it went well! And now I'm excited to go to more events. The thing I struggle with though, is this....

On Fet I make myself inaccessible, because it's safe. I want men to leave me alone. If a man wants my attention he's gonna have to jump through various hoops and prove himself worthy of my attention. But in person I am a very sweet, unassuming, approachable person. However that works against me bc men take that as a green light to pursue me and I don't want to be pursued. I don't go these parties to play or find subs. I go to learn and also to learn about myself and what excites me and what's not for me. But men see anyone woman in a kink space and think there mere fact that she's there is consent. So I'm trying to figure out what I should do.