ahh yes, I, like you, had high hopes for this event. with a name like that, who wouldn't have fun. I expected men who were barking and howling for bbws and desperately worshipping feet. which is why I wore a little romper that basically goes up to the crease of my thigh. I've never worn anything so revealing around strangers before. and the top has buttons that open pretty far down so a lot of my bra was showing. I oiled up my legs with this yummy vanilla maple smelling oil, because you know me, when someone touches me I want them to smell how delicious I smell. I even wore toe rings and an anklet. with a fresh pedicure, my feet looked so goddamn sexy.

I get there, and hey, this is a lifestyle group. different crowd. older, um.....less attractive. like I wouldn't touch any of them but I would let them worship me. I love to look sexy and tease and not give anything. I love making men frustrated. I thought I would get a foot rub at least. nerp. little guy from before didn't come. he's an older guy but little and so beta it's so cute. and his sweet little face so blissful with my feet on him. that's the type of shit I like. I like being powerful, and above men, but I want them to be enthusiastic about getting to touch me. it should be a reward and a privilege just to be near me. let alone touch me. 

I walked around the party very confidently knowing full well I was the hottest youngest one there. I love having them all look at me. the women (not just here but at other events with lifestyle ppl) fucking love me. they're always saying I look hot and they always drool over my tits. they're not that big. you'd think I was fucking Anna Nicole Smith the way they act around me. last time I was at this social femdom event at a restaurant with these lifestyle ppl (a bunch of other ones too), I'd walk around the table to greet ppl. and I'm so short that when I walk over to someone who's sitting, my tits are right at their eye level. its so funny. I always show some cleavage. last time these 2 women just looked at me with mouths agape (like come on guys, they're not that BIG!!) and they put their heads on my tits, like a pillow. one on each side. I found it hilarious. Lately I've come in contact with a lot of bi women. and I mean, at every event. the pro Dommes, the lifestyle Dommes, and some have seemed interested. and I'm not bi.....but...I am into being desired? lol. I have had several female subs want to serve me but....I love women. I can't be mean to women.  I can be mean to men bc men ain't shit. but I could never talk to a woman the way I talk to men.

anway so....I was bored af at this party. mostly on my phone. and no one was doing anything aside from 2 women doing an impact scene. I'm like ok for this I'd rather be home in my pajamas. so I left. this guy who was there, in his 40s, decent looking, left me a comment on fetlife (I disabled DMs to frustrate men and keep me from getting their bullshit lazy messages) saying it was so nice to meet me. and that he would have worshipped my feet and he wished I had stuck around. I was like well I wish you acted sooner. then he was like I'm looking for a Domme, I would love to serve you. I said, come to the next event in 2 weeks. then he said some shit and I stopped paying attention to him. 

he ended up sending me some money on cash app that night, with a note that said "a gift for the party", which made a good first impression. but consistency is key for me. you have to stick around. I'm hard to get. I'll take the money. 

I'm not gonna write about everything I go to, just the stuff worth writing about.

I was asked to write about the party for the Domme throwing it, to help promote her events. And when I tell you I spent HOURS trying to make it sound good. My first draft was long winded with minute details as are all my ramblings on here. I had to strip it way down. Whatever its up.

But just between you and me.....I'm gonna tell you the shit I couldn't say. 

The party started at 11:30 and I was the first one there. Jesus Christ, I'm usually in bed by midnight. And due to my stupid anxiety I can never eat before these events so I'm always starving at them, which makes me lightheaded....but I digress. 

I show up, she's dressed in latex, looking amazing, the subs are in all black, I think they did a photo shoot. They were all her subs. I thought it would be random subs who wanted to join so I could maybe meet someone. I want a sub so bad 😩. anyway....

They were all so  different. There was the skinny Israeli guy with the nice big dick, I mean it was big flaccid, so....plus he had long ass balls. He had an accent and was mostly quiet. Then there was the older white guy. frankly I found this guy so fucking ANNOYING!!!!!!!! holy shit bro. he like....wasn't fully one way or the other. its like he wanted to serve but also wanted to be coddled. like, the fuck?? you're not a person! you're a THING to be used for my amusement. shut the fuck up. also I told him to rub my feet and he sucked at it. he didn't seem like he was into anything. I think he just wanted to be pegged. and when I asked him if that his thing he's that's mistress's thing. ok then what's your fucking thing bro? like ew stop being so wishy washy. I hate that shit. anyway, no surprise, smallish dick.

then there was a younger looking black guy. holllllyyyy fuuuuuck. I wanted to fucking smack him. he was bratty but not even in a fun way. in a lazy half asleep doesn't give a shit way. I was like are you even submissive? why are you here? none of his energy read submissive. I think he is a brat and needs to be put in his place. and his dick was big. and he got hard when they were putting in in chastity. so I saw it hard. not the biggest I've seen but certainly above average, but you know me I'm a fucking size queen and it has to be monstrous to impress me. still, seeing that I was very much reminded that I haven't been fucked in 2yrs. sigh...

then....there my favorite 🥹. ughhhh you guyyyyyyzzzz.....I have a Domme crush on this sub 😩😩😩😩. he is very much deeeeeeply owned by mistress. sigh.....I want one just like him though. he's just so cute in how excited he is to be used and to serve. it's so fucking precious. the way I fucking love precious men. 

this leads in to the best part of the night and the only part I'll really talk about bc the rest was impact and I'm not into impact. I honestly find it super boring. I'm so much more into nasty stuff, body stuff and psychological stuff. but I swear all I ever see ppl do is impact play. sigh....

anyway....the cute sub....he's a human toilet. I mean he's her everything sub. he has a lot of weird kinks, and he's such a good boy. he's like her personal assistant. they've been together 6 years and he still pays her weekly. I strive for something like thissss...but first I need to learn not to get too close to my subs. 

so she said we could use her "toilet", he's free use tonight. so me and the other Dommes got all super excited like yes! we wanna use him! mind you, this is my first time. and I've fantasized about it a lot, just always been too shy to do it. but ommmggggggg the way he LIT UP and had this big smile and big eyes. omgggggg it was sooooooo cuuuuute...I caaannnn'ttttt😩 

ay que bello! he was like ok! do you wanna sit or stand, and everyone said stand, and I said sit. bc...shy....and he's like OK! and he grabbed the toilet chair and brought it up to the bathroom to accommodate me 🥹🥹🥹 could you just?! he was like an excited puppy. so we all ran upstairs all giddy and I was like....hey guys, I'm not comfortable being watched (I mean, baby steps you know?) plus I had pants on, and it was a whole thing. if I had a dress or skirt it would have been different. so they were like no of course, and closed the door. and it was just me and him. and he's so excited. and I was ok put your blindfold on (bc he hasn't earned seeing my Goddess pussy. he did and then he got him self situated with his head under the seat. which, can I just say, is so fucking hot. Jesus fucking christ.  and I already thought he was adorable and I get horny for adorable. I sat and started peeing. and I just heard his desperate gulps trying to catch it all. soooooooo cuuuuuuuuute! umph 🫦 also.....it was SO hot. to think this guy wanted what was coming out of me so bad. like, that makes me feel so powerful. Like a fucking GOD-dess. it was also kind of intimate really. his face that close to my pussy. I was so turned on I wanted nothing more than for him to start licking, ughhhhhhhhhhhhh fuuuuuuuuuck. I would have ridden his fucking face at that point. just grinding my fucking pussy in his face like --

 --hold on hold on......let me get a hold of myself. I'm getting too worked up. Jesus Christ. give me a min to calm down.......ok I had to get on my phone and watch some reels or whatever to calm down. 

so....I got up from the seat quickly and said how fun that was. I wiped (which I wish he would have done with his tongue) and got my pants back on. then he talked to me for a bit about how he built that chair and how his mistress wants him to build a more complicated one....and all I could think was...I wanna take him home with me. but....I have to be careful bc I cannot disrespect another Domme. so I have to tread lightly. which worries me bc when I like you it's hard for me to hide it. and I'm a flirt...so...oof.

lets see what else.....I learned how to safely trample someone, and smother. that's next on my list. smothering with clothes on....then maybe work my way up to trampling. actually I should start with human furniture. I have to get away from this feeling of being too heavy or caring about their experience. as long as you discuss it ahead of time, they know what they're getting into. 

the rest of the night I just watched. OH!!!!! but ommmgggggggg the most AWKWARD thing happened. this sub showed up when I was close to leaving. omg....this guy used to follow me. interact with EVERY post. loved my shit. loved how brutal I was. he paid my tribute once just to write one message. he got one response. then he sent tribute again just to write another message. delicious. my tribute is not cheap by the way. anyway he was really stressed working on a big project, he works in IT or some shit, so I understood bc I remember the long hours with my ex. anyway....he was off fet for days at a time. occasionally he would pop on quick, like a couple of my things and pop off.  then he was gone for a week or two. then all of a sudden he pops up on my timeline. liking stuff and adding ppl and not interacting with my stuff at all for a few days. which I found odd. my brain looks for patterns, that's how it works with ADHD. when I get the pattern and you deviate from the pattern my brain freaks out. so I messaged him for clarity. it wasn't an angry message but it was direct. asking him if that was it, so I that I could know for sure and get on with my business because my brain doesn't like loose ends (another add thing). but he got really defensive. as if I had been a jealous girlfriend who showed up to his job or something.  and then he told me he wasn't my sub and blocked me. ohhhhhkaaaaayyy.....

so that's who shows up to the party. awkward. I avoided him which I probably should have just acted like I didn't remember him at all. I had a chance to humiliate and degrade him at the party, they stood me up and were literally like , go ahead you do it. I did tell one of the girls about the story so she was encouraging me to do it. but it was 2am and I was so tired, so I'm like I want to but I have nothing left, I gotta split. but let me just tell you, he had the TINIEST dick I've ever seen. not only small but thin. like I little pinky. this man is like 6'2 maybe? and skinny. I mean imagine going through life with that shit 😂😂😂 disappointing every woman you've ever dated 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Jesus Christ. he should have paid me for having to look at that shit. 

I left at 2am and they kept going into the wee hours, like close to 5am. I have NO idea what happened but I heard at least someone got pegged. I truly pray for whoever was getting pegged by those ladies bc they were all pretty sadistic based on the impact they were doing. 😂😂 rip to your asshole dude. 

that was it. and I feel better now that I got all that out. whew!!!

Things have kind of shifted in my life and  I'm going with the flow. 

I was very much working on my website and trying to build a place where I can redirect everyone to and talk about my style of domination and what I offer. Both online and in person. But that has kind of taken a back seat at the moment because I find myself swimming in femdom events and I'm loving it. It's so good for me.

As of now I have events lined up from Wed-Saturday of next week. I'm hoping I can maybe find myself a nice sub to come rub my feet at least. I have many needs but I figured foot worship is a good place to start. Low investment. If he stays that, cool , or it could grow into something else.

I have a mentor now, she's a pro-domme, and I love that she really saw me and understood my commitment to authenticity. And how I don't want to do anything for the shallow desires of men. My dominance is about me and what I want and anyone who wants to experience it needs to earn it. 

In meeting people, and seeing how they perceive me, I really do realize just how incredible I am. I have so much to offer a sub. Not just the psychological stuff, which I excel at. But in how I can make him feel. I believe that's something special about me. How I can make others feel. And that's not even counting that I'm fucking gorgeous. I know ppl see me as cute, and I am. And I think that's a superpower. But I am also genuinely very beautiful. 

I'm currently at a crossroads. I'm trying to figure out how my Domme side presents in person. Like, is it ok to be cute and sweet and still command obedience? Does it work? I plan to find out. Also, I have really been adamant about not sexualizing myself because men always just want to consume me and I don't want to give them any ammunition. But men are very visual. I suppose once I have a loyal regular it won't matter as much how I look every time. But I need to embrace my sexiness. Not hide my body, but, allow it to empower me. I will never show nudity. But....you know.... cool boots,  fishnets, maybe cute shorts or panties or maybe a cute body suit, a bra, fishnet top. Something that stands out. And I really want to lean into my bigness being my power. Rolls, gut, whatever, wrap that shit in fishnet body stockings and sit on his face. lol 

Ultimately the best version of me is one where I am genuinely myself. So right now I'm trying to find myself....as a Domme. And that requires putting myself out there irl. So that's what I'm doing! :)

You hear something like that and you think it sounds sexy huh? pfft

What you don't know is, lifestyle people are not models. They're just regular ppl. Usually nerdy, older, and the women, like myself, are all usually plus size. It's an ego boost, but it's not a hot scene. I think it's hot for those who aren't hung up on looks and just like to play. Which is a lot of people. The ppl were very nice and I felt safe there. The host, Mama Kat, was sooooo sweet to me. She took really good care of me. Pretty sure I was the youngest one there. Which should tell you something. But they're way more sexually free. Very loud about it too. 

I don't play with anyone I don't have a connection with. I have to a. be attracted to you, b. know you pretty well, and most importantly, trust you. The ppl at these parties......I don't know if any of that matters honestly. For them, the men at least, it just seems to be about opportunity. 

Let me give you a brief run down of what I saw:

1. a femme presenting person (can't tell if it was a sissy or pre transition trans woman), whipping and them humping another guy (both old).

2. Swingers in a bedroom where there were 2 guys 69ing with one woman eating out the ass of one of the guys. I've never seen ppl have se---- actually not true. When I hooked up with that couple they had sex in front of me. But they were hot and it was sexy af. But also intimate. This was 3 ( older) not hot strangers and it was just....weird. not hot. at all. plus I felt bad looking at them, seems rude. But it was interesting to witness. 

3. A guy----sissy and "her" Domme I had seen at social munches before. I watch "her" get paddled and whipped. It was loud. and kind of funny which isn't the reaction I expected myself to have. I've been so afraid of impact play but, it was done in such a respectful and lighthearted way that it seemed playful and fun. I wouldn't participate of course but it was nice to see them having fun.

4. This was the best part of the whole night. At one point Mama Kat asked if I liked getting foot rubs. I said yeah. She said there's a man here (her sub) who loves to give foot rubs and do I want one. I had just gotten a pedicure that day so I was like sure! So I sat on the couch and reclined and this guy rubbed my feet. It felt so good. And it made me realize how much I actually enjoy having my feet worshipped. He asked if I could put them on his face, and I did. That's when my Domme side came out. And I love how natural and assertive I was after that. I now want to find a foot sub......because it felt like pampering plus the added bonus of smothering is sooooooooooooooooo delicious. ugh. Plus it's sooooo cute to see a guy enjoying my feet so much. Just adorable. 

All in all I'd say it went well! And now I'm excited to go to more events. The thing I struggle with though, is this....

On Fet I make myself inaccessible, because it's safe. I want men to leave me alone. If a man wants my attention he's gonna have to jump through various hoops and prove himself worthy of my attention. But in person I am a very sweet, unassuming, approachable person. However that works against me bc men take that as a green light to pursue me and I don't want to be pursued. I don't go these parties to play or find subs. I go to learn and also to learn about myself and what excites me and what's not for me. But men see anyone woman in a kink space and think there mere fact that she's there is consent. So I'm trying to figure out what I should do. 

sorry things got dark for a minute there. But once I deleted all that shit and stopped paying attention to the news my entire world got better. 

Things have been good. 

​oh shitttttt!!! I didn't tell you!

Omg ok so...I'm getting emails from my lawyer about the proceedings and I get asked for all my finances for the last 6 months. Which is fine, that's normal. But in the email it said I have to include all my pro Domme work. EXCUSE ME????

Soo.........what is it that he found about me online? No idea. He's under the impression that I am a Pro-Domme. I am not. I'm a Findomme. 

I felt like this space I carved out for myself away from him was now compromised and to PISSED ME OFF. I felt so violated. Like Jesus Christ can't I have anything AWAY from you?!! ugh. I have nothing to hide. I sent in the paperwork. But what I do with my life is none of his business. 

anyway, that was my worst nightmare come true. after something like that happens, what else is there to be scared of?? I have nothing to hide. I'm proud of the persona I have poured my heart into for almost a year. I've worked really hard with lots of intention to gain the following and the respect that I have. 

I'm done feeling like I have to justify my existence. I'm done being scared. It's just gonna be what it's gonna be and I'll figure shit out on my own. I always do. 

Now I am more focused on going to more kink events and exploring BDSM. Because shit, you think I'm a pro-domme, might as well get some experience. 

So I've decided to document my experiences here on the blog. So stay tuned! 😁