It's my absolute FAVORITE time of the month. I'm so horny for no reason. I'm wet just from existing. Just wet. ugh.......my sexuality is cranked up to 10. If there was a guy sitting down with a hard cock out I would sit on it. Because my body NEEDS it. I really wish I could be like this all the time. It's so fun. And when I do cum, its so creamy. Ugh. I'm in heat. I wish I had a local guy who lived close that I could just bump into. Quite literally. This is the reason I'm not on birth control. I don't want to give up ovulating. It's too good. But seeing as how I'm highly breedable and most guys I meet want to breed me, its also a dangerous window. 

My pussy is wet and I just want to slide it on  anything I can. Your cock, your face....this is where the naughty thoughts come. The very over the top naughty thoughts. Little to no self control during this time.

Have I told you the work fantasy? Or the one where I....mm...let me stop​😂

I really wanted this to work. I mean it looks good right? women rave about it. The entire thing is waterproof. The "tongue" moved but also there's a setting for the part you insert to move back and forth inside you. Great. I would love all the movement WITHOUT the vibration. Jesus Christ its like a fucking jackhammer on the most sensitive spot on your body. WWHHYYYYYY???? Maybe I'm extra sensitive but its the subtle movements for me. I hate that every toy vibrates. Not only that but vibrates so fucking hard. At least allow me to lower the setting to a crawl. This thing doesn't even give me an option for a lower setting. All it has is settings to change the speed pattern which, newsflash, no woman needs. No woman has ever been like you know this feels nice but I wish there would be an SOS pattern to this. NO! we want constant motion! constant! that's it! Jesus fucking Christ, you can tell men designed these things. Why 15 speed pattern settings? why? Idiots. My fucking pussy hurts from this. And not in a good way.

I can't tell you how much money I've dropped on sex toys in the last year alone. Each time hoping I would find the one for me. Something that would mimic human contact. Nothing. When I was younger a vibrating egg was the thing. And it did work. But I don't know, these days I'm so sensitive. My clit, the skin around my clit, all sensitive. Which is why I don't even like fingers poking around in there.

Dildos, no matter how horny I get, are aaallllways disappointing. A rubber toy can never mimic a real cock for me. It's inferior to cock and I just can't enjoy it. It feels blah. There's nothing like a fully erect penis hot and throbbing....nothing. And my pussy knows the difference. And she'll spit out anything that doesn't meet her standards. 

When it comes to the clit I have searched my entire life looking for something that mimics a tongue. Soft and wet and moving back and forth. Every single one I've tried sucks. They're ALL just vibrators. The rose? Strong vibrator. The clit sucker? A vibrator that goes around your clit. It doesn't suck shit. Not that I want my clit sucked. I don't. I want it licked. Gently licked by a wet soft tongue like thing! ugh. I want my vulva to be treated like a giant swirly ice cream cone. Big flat licks that cover a lot of surface area to make sure that thing doesn't melt. No poking, no stabbing and certainly no vibration.

I have yet to find anything better than my fingers. My fingers never touch my clit. just the skin around it. 

As far as penetration, I've only found 2 toys I like. A curved gspot toy, it vibrates but i don't need that so I turn it off. It makes me squirt. The other is a rose quartz crystal wand. Feels like heavy glass. I don't do Any pounding with this one. Its very smooth and holds whatever temperature surrounds it. I leave it inside me while I play with my clit. The heft of it makes me feel full inside and i like that stuffed feeling.

But most of the time, its just my fingers. And they always get the job done. 

sigh.....will they ever invent a realistic non vibrating tongue toy??

Let me preface this by saying, I'm a good girl. Anyone who's met me will tell you I'm shy. I have a nervous giggle. I'm vague bc I'm too shy to use the actual words I'm thinking. All that shit. And I am by no means, easy. Of all the men I've spoken to, only a handful have ever seen me naked. And one....only one....has seen the side of me I don't let out. 

It has been really incredible to have a consistent lover. To be able to open up and let my guard down. He's seen me blossom into someone different than the woman he met who acted like she wasn't even going to entertain him. He's witnessed me breaking all my own rules for him. He brought out a side of me I have been dying to unleash. More than I ever consciously realized. 

He's seen my eyes change as I go into a subspace where I have no thoughts other than his cock. Desperately needing it like I need air to breathe. Whining when he pulls out or takes it from my mouth. Blissfully worshiping his cock and balls and wanting my face covered in them like I'm being blessed with holy water. Happily becoming a mess of drool and snot and tears while i gag and gorge myself on his fat piece of meat....sorry i got distracted with that one..... 

anyway....the more we play, the more I excited I get, the more subby I become. I'm starting to see what kind of sub i am. I'm a whiny needy sub who loves praise and sweet degradation, a gentle but firm dom who treats me like a princess and a whore. I love to be whiny. I love to be sweet and cute and little girl-like, that makes it hotter to be a whore. When I get in that headspace, wow...whew. 

The last time we played, he got a marker and wrote on me. He spread my legs and wrote on my thighs and right above my pussy Bred Slut", "BWC here ⬇️", "Big Dick ONLY" and he took a picture. I have to say....this is the HOTTEST picture of me. And i love it! 

I'm a bit nervous to share these things because I'm afraid guys will think they can talk to me or treat me a certain way or expect certain things from me. The way I behave sexually is completely dependent on the person and situation. I'm not led by kink. I'm led by connection. Different connections serve different kinks. And I have plenty of them. This is one side of me. Not the only side of me. 

But this is part of my journey, exploring all parts of myself. And I wanted to document this. How does it feel to be someone's slut? It's really fucking hot. The person has to earn my trust to ever get close to that point. He has to show me respect and communicate clearly and care about consent. But it feels so good to let go and be a brain dead cock hungry bimbo. Now I understand subspace. It's really therapeutic. 

I believe we have merely scratched the surface of my kinks and fantasies. He of course, like most men, is eager to explore the kinks. But I don't have a list of things I want to scratch off my list. I have sexy thought and fantasies that pop up from time to time but they all have to happen organically for me. And they don't all have to be done with the same person. Sometimes the connection doesn't lend itself to that, sometimes it does. All I know is that there's a lot more I wanted to explore with him. It really takes me so long to open up and allow myself to explore some of these things. its so deeply rooted...the sexual repression. But baby steps. 

Perhaps my favorite part of the night was when, after fucking for a while, he said lets put on some clothes and hang out. So we sat on my couch and just talked. At some point I started to get kind of sleepy and I layed my head on his chest. He instinctively wrapped his arm around me and held me tight. OMGGGGG it felt SO  good! I haven't been held like that in so long. My heart 😍.  I was so blissfully happy in his arms, on his chest, listening to him talk. Then he looked at me and said he wanted to go again, but slow this time. ughhhhh! 🥴️ 😍 With him, even if I'm sore, I never say no to his cock. 

It's that sweetness that allows me to give up control. I know he would never hurt me. I mean....not on purpose 😂 he does get a kick out of me telling him its too deep. 

Oh! I finally got to break out my sex pillow! it's this pillow used for sex or oral. It's like a wedge that goes under me to lift my ass up. The angle was great because he went deep and hard this time an I felt more stretched out than ever. From the video I was like wow he went IN, how was i able to handle it without screaming? The pillow! Can't believe it took me this long to remember to use it. 

Anyway, that was our last rendezvous for a while. Went out with a bang. I felt satisfied physically and emotionally. Not to mention we always have the best deep talks. Ugh writing this is turning me on making me think of it all....

When I first moved in here I used to keep the blinds open in my bedroom all the time. Till one day I saw a man pass by. Scared the shit out of me. Then I saw him again in the wee hours of the morning (6am) when I opened my blinds and walked around in my robe. He was walking his dog. Damn this early? Something about it being dark and early and quiet made it...secret. So after that I continued to keep them open in the mornings. Maybe lingering in the nude while I made my bed. He certainly passed by but not sure if he looked inside. He seemed to always look straight ahead. 

Over time I began keeping the blinds closed. But he still would walk his dog passed my window and I would see him through the blinds. Always seeming to linger in front of my window. Is that like a really good spot for his dog? lol i don't know. 

One night when Mr. Big was over (i'm not quiet during sex), he stopped mid fuck bc he saw someone outside of my window. He freaked out for a min. I guess he thought some stranger was perched outside my window. But it turns out he was just walking his dog. But something inside me lit up thinking that he heard me having sex. What would you do if you could walk your dog passed someone's window and see them naked or hear them having sex? I'm sure you'd continue to walk your dog by my window. 

Well the other day as I was heading down to my apt this cute guy walks up the stairs with his dog. I know that dog, I see that dog all the time out my window. He looked at me, I smiled, we were both on the stairwell. Him going up, me going down. I told him, "I live down there" bc he asked which way I was going so he could get out of my way. There are only 2 units downstairs. I'm one of them. The other one has a man. So I smiled as I went inside thinking he put a face to the moans he heard. And he knows.....that I fuck. 😏 I just thought about it now as I saw the dog outside my window again. Maybe I should open the blinds and keep the lights on next time  I get out of the shower.....

ughhhhhhhhh.....

Today I was doing a home workout and some stretching afterwards. I was on all fours doing cat/cow (yoga pose) when I became aware of my heavy breasts hanging freely. I was working out in my pajamas so they had no support. God there's something so sexy about having my tits just hanging in that position. The feeling of gravity just pulling them down, like swinging pendulums. Or...perhaps like udders, but thats a fantasy for another post. 

I thought to myself, what a waste. No one is here to enjoy them. To get underneath me and get a face full of them. I took a picture. Ugh gorgeous. The way my nipples were showcased so beautifully. Protruding nubs on big brown areolas. Like having 2 clits on my chest. They're so sensitive. I reeeeaallly wanted to post the picture. But I have to remember anyone can see this. It's not snapchat 😂. I really struggle with how much of myself to show on here. The exhibitionist inside me desperately wants to post all the dirty pictures I've taken or have been taken of me. But...the rational part of me says...don't do it. So alas....my descriptive writing will have to suffice. 😘

Tonight is important, it's a farewell to my dear Mr. Big Cock. I want to enjoy every last second of it. He hasn't seen these yet. Which one do you vote for? The green one is very feminine and juicy. The black one is bra-less and crotch-less. Different vibe. very easy access. Can stay on during sex. The green one is unwrapping me like a present.

​Curious what you all think.

I'm soft alllll over. But this is my softest spot. This and my thighs. 

It's been a week since I had privacy to do anything and between that and the stress of last week and today I am treating myself to a date in my bedroom. Normally I use my fingers, no penetration (i usually only like the real thing), but on occasion I'll lay down a towel, grab a favorite toy, and allow myself a couple of hours of play. Lots of build up leading to an inevitable explosion. Today i'm feeling spicy, so i'm leaving the blinds open....