I have been getting princess and goddess treatment for weeks now.  It's nice to finally be getting the treatment I deserve. 

My main guy is meeting all my emotional needs. He sees me as his cute little princes, driving me around, paying for all my meals, taking me anywhere I want to go, planning big trips for us to take. He also sees me as a goddess. He worships my body. Not only that, he melts every time he sees me. He encourages my passions and supports all my endeavors. He sees the REAL me. The me that isn't putting on a facade or a character. Me without make up. In my pajamas. And he loves the real me. Which is all I could ever ask for really.

Then there's my sweet pathetic little sub. He knows he's not man enough for me. But he delights in worshipping me. I have yet to put his mouth to use but I'm looking forward to using him in all the ways I couldn't use someone I have feelings for. He's a sweet one though. I like having him in my roster. Still training him though. The other day he drove out to my place from Atlanta to bring me groceries. When he arrived I thought about just making him leave them outside. But I invited him in for a moment. I told him to close his eyes, and I took my tits out. Then I said give me your hands. With his eyes closed he gave me his hands and I put them on my tits. He gasped and started to moan as he kneaded my tits in his hand like fluffy dough. I loved the way he reacted. That's how every man should react to the honor of touching my breasts. After a few moments I stopped and put them away. He opened his eyes and smiled and thanked me. I gave him a hug, turned him around and told him to get out. That was my first real task I've given him and he did very well. I was very pleased. 

The only thing i'm missing now is a big cock. I'm still on t he hunt for BWC. So if you know someone, let me know! 

If you've followed me for a while you'd know that in between my sexual posts there have been posts of me being so frustrated with men. All I ever wanted was to form some kind of emotional connection with a man. I was willing to give so much in order to get the little scraps I was getting. I gave my energy and sometimes my body to men who simply didn't deserve me at all. I'm not someone to take from when needed and give the bare minimum to. All you men saw me for was sexual. A piece of meat to get off to. Wasting my time thinking I had a shot at something real. I gave up. Just plum gave up. I stopped even talking to you people. I realized you weren't meant for anything real. Only to consume me as content. So from now on that's all I'll ever be to you is content. 

That being said, once I cut the bullshit out of my life, someone special floated in. And in the last 2 weeks I have been on more dates with this man than I have been on with any man. We haven't even had sex yet. He doesn't ask me for pics. I haven't seen his dick. Holding hands was a big deal with us. All I ever wanted was to be courted. To be taken on dates. To be treated like a princess. To have someone want to know me, outside of sex. A man that makes time for me. Who shows me I'm a priority. This man has done all that and more. So far he's given me everything I've dreamed of. I've never been treated like this in my whole life! And as of this post he's officially my boyfriend. Which is, pretty exciting. 

The coolest most awesomest thing is...he doesn't want me to change myself in any way. He likes me exactly the way I am. We started things of will blunt honesty. I figured let me not paint this fantasy of myself, i'm gonna be real and if he's scared off so be in. But he never got scared. I told him I want to stay independent. I don't ever want to feel trapped. I want to be able to hook up with other ppl if the opportunity presents itself. He was fine with it. He knows I'm a free spirit and he loves that about me. He wants me to live my life, he just wants to be part of it. How amazing is that???

Plus we have so much in common and his energy matches mine. We're always coming up with fun things to do together. It's incredible. So as he and I explore sexually I'm sure i'll be posting about that.

And worry not my dears. I will still be sharing my sexual encounters outside of me and him. In fact I've found myself a submissive cuck boy toy who's going to let me use him however I want. He's got a little dick so he won't be fucking me. I'll be using him as an object and really letting the sadistic side of myself out on him. I can't wait to make him suck a big cock too. Maybe Mr. Big will come play with us. 

My man knows about my cuck, or my munch as I like to call him. And he's ok with it. It feels good to be open and honest with all parties.

My new man is a dom. He gives me all the daddy I want and he lets me be his cute little baby princess. I get to be as cute and little as I want and he loves it. But he also calls me a goddess and wants to worship me. I think he's a pleasure dom. So really, best of both worlds. He hasn't  really explored kink before but he wants to with me. Which is exciting. 

The only other thing I could possibly wants is a hard body gym bro with a huge dick. That's one itch I really have yet to scratch. But I won't find him on reddit. I'll have to look elsewhere for that. But I'm not in a rush for that. Right now my emotional needs are being met and thats the biggest thing for me. I'm very satisfied at the moment. 

 Figures, just as I discovered this is something I DEFINITELY want I realized the chances of me having it are slim. 

Reddit is dead. I am no longer accessible to people. I'm here in a read only format. Only engaging with others in the comments. Maybe at some point i'll turn the comments back on here, maybe I won't. 

Here I am on my lactation journey. It started as a sexual thing but now it's most definitely for me. I've invested a lot of time and money and it still brings me joy and I will continue to do it. The bummer of it all is that i'm going to be milky AF at some point and have no one to share it with. 

I've come to the conclusion that I'm sick of all this bullshit casual "friends" garbage. Guys just want convenience. They want the sexual stuff without doing ANY of the work to get it. I am WAY too valuable for that nonsense. Have you read this blog?? The man who ends up in a relationship with me is going to be SO lucky. But I refuse to give any of this kinky sexual side of myself to anyone who's not interested in ALL of me. Period. Which means I'll probably be alone for a good while. Big milky titties going to waste. Bomb ass pussy going to waste. It's funny because I don't think any guy has stuck around long enough to see what i'm really capable of.

But good news is when  I get horny, and I will, I'll write some great fun to read stuff in here. 

Omg could you imagine the guy who finally gets me IRL? He falls for my personality and looks and then SURPRISE I'm actually a lactating little freak! ​😂

Ok. I'm gonna get really real  in this post. I've been keeping this a secret for years. But as part of my growth journey I think it's time to just own it. 

I've spoken on here before about my fear of squirting because I'm not sure what's going to come out. I've encountered enough men that are so repulsed by the idea of piss that they will shame a woman for having anything come out of her that isn't cum. It has created even more shame in me. 

My past experiences alone have proven that i do indeed squirt. No not like girls in porn (i wish), it just dribbles out and leaves a wet stain. The smell is sweet. It's probably a mixture of urine and ejaculate. It doesn't have a pee smell. Like I said, it's sweet. However, I have had orgasms where I did in fact fully piss myself. And that odor is unmistakable. Not terrible, unless you're not hydrated, but just very obvious. But that left me feeling so much shame. What's worse is, it was so satisfying. 

Going back to my childhood, holding in my pee was just something i did. And i did it till i couldn't anymore bc it felt good. And that habit carried into adulthood. Having a full bladder, before it becomes painfully uncomfortable, is so good it makes my eyes water. I can't explain it. It's better than an orgasm. 

I realized in my teen years when I started to look at porn and read erotica that I was turned on by watersports. There's something very nasty and primal and taboo about it that appeals to me. There's also the desperation and the liberating feeling of letting go. I remember sharing a story about his with my ex when we were still dating and he thought it was gross. I guess that was the first time I pushed down this side of me. I would continue to push it down throughout my marriage and with every other partner. For fear of shame and judgment. 

To this day my way of edging is having a full bladder and pushing down on it while I think of things. Certain men. And things they would say to me. It's something I can't explain bc they'd never understand. How do you explain the bladder part much less the fact that you're getting off on romantic things and not even sexual ones. No one would get it. 

The BEST orgasms I have are when I masturbate with a full bladder. So intense. But such a mess. Even when I try my hardest I always let a little out. 

My whole life has been me holding back. Holding back because I can never let go with anyone. Jesus I can't even tell anyone this shit. 

I think this is why I have such a hard time having an orgasm with a man. I have to focus on trying to cum while also focusing on not squirting or pissing on them. It's almost impossible. And If I do cum I end up forcing it and it's never satisfying. 

There. I said it. It's done. 

Do I need to piss or squirt to enjoy sex? absolutely not. I'm going to come across tons of men who aren't into it at all. And just knowing this about me might turn a lot of guys off. But so be it. No I don't need it, like I said.

But I do wish I could experience what it's like not to hold back. To be with someone who's not only into it but eager to experience it with me. Because that level of release, if i can get passed the shame and be re-assured that its not a bad thing and be encouraged, oh my god.....could you imagine? It would unlock a whole new world of pleasure for me that I've been missing out on for years. 

God...one day.....

So its no secret to anyone who follows me, I'm a boob gal. I love my boobs, I love other woman's boobs, I LOVE nipple play. I can't cum without nipple play. I have purchased plenty of nipple toys including my 2 most recent ones. Newsflash, they were disappointing. The pump was cool. But the vibrating nipple clamps were toooo weak. I couldn't feel a thing.

Along with knowing about my love of boobs you may also know that I like to play with the mommy dynamic. That sort of taps into adult nursing. Something I was actually interested in but for me lactation wasn't something i would ever do. Why put my body through that for some guy?

Lately the desire to be milked has been plaguing my thoughts. Thats why I've been searching for the right toy. Something that will give me that immense pleasure...but also the thought of being milked was so hot to me. To be treated like an object, like a hucow (though not 100% sure what that entails). or some kind of animal. I don't know why but that excites my brain. 

Then I started to really think...wait....and honestly I don't know where the thought came from but I had the idea to buy a breast pump. I looked and that same day I found someone selling a brand new pump for a very affordable price like 30 min away. So I made a mission to get it that day. I took it home and popped it on and HOLY shit let me tell you. It felt better than any sex toy i'd ever had. H-O-L-Y shit. I was in ABSOLUTE HEAVEN. So much so that I left them on for 90 min! woops!!! my nippes looked SOOOO delicious after. I'll post that below. 

Since then  I have fallen head over heels with the idea. I need a nursing bra and some supplements to help with milk production. And I need to stay on a strict feeding schedule so my body gets the message that there's a demand. 

I'll admit, at first it was simply something to facilitate this mommy fantasy and to make it way hotter. To entice all the boys to crave my big milky tits. And I thought, you know, if I continue this for real, at some point milk WILL come in. And at some point its going to be noticeable. My first thought is, hide it as much as you can. Never let anyone know. I felt judgment and shame preemptively. But the truth is who cares? Yeah ok it's weird but it's not hurting anyone. People do things with their bodies all the time. Tattoos, piercings, bodybuilding. If my body can do this cool magic trick of producing milk, why not have fun with it?

Breastfeeding the first time around was awful. Soooo much pressure to not give up, i didn't know I wasn't making enough milk, my kid was starving. So much stress and guilt. Not to mention painful as hell. I only lasted a couple months before giving the formula bottle. Once that happened there was no going back. The boob was refused. I had always hoped I'd get a 2nd chance with my next kid but that just wasn't in the cards for me. But THIS is my second chance! Without stress of being responsible for another human life. This time it's just for me!!! For my own enjoyment of it.  It's like getting to cosplay the fun parts of the whole pregnancy/breastfeeding part of my life. The female body is so incredible. I want to tap back into that beautiful process. 

I decided that instead hiding it I would just let it be and OWN it.  I find it very empowering! I am taking control of my own body and doing something that makes ME happy. Sure there's the added benefit that it's hot but even if no one came around to nurse I would still be just as happy on my own. And thats actually kind of huge for me. Finding something that makes ME happy even if no one else cared or was involved. :)

I find this a very spiritual experience. Very divine feminine. And the pleasure I get from the pumping is absolute blisssss.

But who knows, maybe i'll find some good boys to worship my breasts and nurse to keep them from going dry. *wink wink*

This is the beginning of my lactation journey and i'll be sharing the journey on the blog!! 

Enjoy some visuals below!

Honestly I don't know if this is a form of self love, or if  I'm appreciating the female form or if I'm attracted to women in this way. I really don't know. I know that I'm not romantically attracted to women. Which is what holds me back from anything like that because for me connection is HUGE and the most connection I could have with another woman would be friendship or sexual. 

But anyway I say all that to say this. Lately I've been coming across plus size women either on social media or in other places and I found myself looking at them in a way I haven't before. For a long time I looked at them the way most of society does. But as I began learning self love and body positivity I began seeing them (and myself) as beautiful. Beautiful despite not fitting into societal norms for beauty standards. But now? Now it's different. Now its.....God.....what a sexy boy. Look at her. There's something just so.......feminine and fertile about a soft round woman. I find myself celebrating and being attracted to femininity in the female form. If I ever was to be with a woman I would prefer one who's got big tits, big thighs, a big belly, big arms. So much to squeeze and grab and love on. I mean I don't even know how someone could not be attracted to that. It's so.....juicy! And I have been really celebrating the juiciness in my own body. Things I used to hide, my massive thighs, my big arms, my round face, rolls on my sides, now I can't help but look at them as these absolutely juicy parts of myself that any man would be lucky to touch. My curves make me so happy. And I'm looking at some of these women like 😍 salivating, wishing I could get my hands on them. The thought of seeing one of these bbw girlies on her back with her big thighs in the air and grabbing her big tits and squishing them together, and just melting into that. Yeah, I mean its real goddess vibes. If you get to be with a plus size woman I think you should. You won't be disappointed. 

On the flip side of that however, I simply am not attracted to these qualities in men. Why is that? Is it because I want to be with a guy who's body is very different than mine? Is it because I'm attracted to masculinity in men and to me that means strong arms and less curvy bodies? I like the hard edges in men. I find that the juxtaposition of that against the ultra soft plush body of a curvy woman is titillating. Ultra masculine, vs ultra feminine. I mean don't get me wrong. Everyone has their own personal taste. A thinner woman with pretty tits and a nice ass is the standard of beauty and of course its great! I personally find it basic and boring but thats just me. I like a gym guy as much as the next girl. But I do find love handles on a guy so sexy and juicy. I find normal bodies really hot. Again, preferences. I hear the term  "dad bod" get thrown around alot. People just use it to describe anything that isn't a gym bod. I've seen some guys and said "that's not a dad bod". I guess guys don't have a lot of descriptors when it comes to their body types. 

I find myself gravitating to the skinny boys. Never been with a gym guy. But I hear there are many of them who love big curvy girls. My taste in men has actually been expanding in that I've been looking at  guys lately I've never considered before. It's SSOOOOO interesting for me to notice the evolution in my tastes. 

It's pretty cool to find your own body type super sexy in others. But I know a lot of guys who look for their own body type when hooking up with other guys. 

I would love opportunities to explore different people. And maybe one day that will be in my cards. If it happens organically. 

For now, all just thoughts. The urge to have some big titties in my hands is growing though ​🥵️ And speaking of tits....

Here's me in my double D bra. I don't see much of a difference from the last one but I think it fits better. 
​

I've gotten to a point in my life and in my journey where I'm not shrinking down anymore. I am going to speak up. If something doesn't sit right with me I'm gonna say something. If I'm uncomfortable I'm gonna say something. If I sense you're not being genuine I'm going to say something. I used to be afraid to speak up and make someone mad. I have abandonment issues coupled with people pleasing.

Which is also why I found myself customizing myself for whomever I was talking to. Some guys are interested in me but they are very vocal about what they don't like. OR what they do. Which is totes fine. We're not gonna line up with everything. But I used to do that thing where I was afraid to express part of myself bc they wouldn't be attracted to that. But I'm no longer doing that. And I have to say it's a really great place to be! 

I love this blog. It's so liberating. Yeah it's entertaining to read but it's more so a place for me to express the thoughts I can't express to anyone else. I have layers. Layers and layers. And they don't all have to be for you. But I'm never again going to be afraid to say something due to fear of judgment. 

You want to know about me? Get in my head? It's all here in black and white. Take it or leave it. I won't apologize for my preferences or my fantasies or my values. Everyone has them. 

I'm trying to be more like this in real life as well. I used to hide being a sexual person. But I'm a grown woman. A single woman at that. There's absolutely nothing wrong with me being a sexual creature. And I'm going to own that.

In general I've gotten better at letting people leave. I used to put a perfect stranger's opinion of me above my own self! Now I'm at a place where I know my worth. I don't need anyone go complete me or validate me. I'm absolutely the prize and you'd be lucky to have me. So If speaking my truth makes you upset or uninterested then have a nice life. Growth! You're witnessing growth. :)

​

Thanks to that last young one for absolutely proving my fucking point. Every. Single. Time. And this is why I have age limits. ​🙄

A little token for those of you who followed me here from Reddit. I got a new bra so I thought id show it off...