Let's talk about lies of omission:
​
Dealing with men for the last 2yrs I’ve had to deal with this ALOT. Men love to NOT ANSWER QUESTIONS. And as a recovering ppl pleaser I used to let them get away with it and not call them out. My lord the amount of bullshit I put up with and just let slide. All as to not ruffle their feathers. All for extremely mediocre men. and why? Because as women we are basically programmed to be pleasing to men. To make them like us. Whether for romantic reasons or for safety reasons. Be likeable. Be agreeable. Don’t make waves. And DON’T make them uncomfortable. As a woman that’s one of the worst things you can do to a man, make him uncomfortable. It could become a safety issue. No, we can handle a lot more than they can. So we make ourselves uncomfortable for their sake. 


But I’m done with that. I have found a new sick pleasure in making men uncomfortable. If I ask a question and a guy does that typical thing where they dance around it and don’t give me a straight answer I will call him out. “You didn’t answer my question”. Then they do a little tap dance and try to be coy. At this point, they’re hiding some shit and it’s very obvious. Catch them in that shit. They deserve to be caught. Babe I am not the one. Not the one, the two or the three. That behavior will not fly with me. Not anymore. And if you THINK you’re pulling one over on me, honey, I’m just biding my time. I’m observing. I’m letting you play out your little fantasy, waiting for the best time to expose you. 


If I ask for verification and you make any kind of excuse,  I already know what I need to know. I’m a lot smarter and more observant than you realize. I pay very close attention. And I make men jump through hoops. And the ones who willingly jump through them are my favorites. The rest I don’t waste my time with. 


And if your answers are vague I will ask you again. I’m calling out the liars and the fakes. You deserve to get caught. You deserve to feel as uncomfortable as possible. Men cannot handle emotional discomfort. Physical? Sure. Any day. But emotional?!! Soooo weak. Which is why men ghost. Delete. Block. Because they’re too weak to stand in their discomfort and just be honest and own that shit. The worst ones are the gaslighters. When they get called out they try to spin it to make us think we’re being unreasonable or overreacting. They act confused. Oh classic male behavior. So confused, where is this coming from? In that case let me pull out my receipts here and give you a proper audit. Then you can try to explain yourself. 

And on that note.....

​I've been doing a lot of growing lately. I've become a stronger person and I like this version of me. I've been saying no more. I'm very direct. If someone isn't what I'm looking for, I pass. And this is huge. I used to feel like I owed something to anyone who gave me attention. Like I should be grateful for it. That's some old outdated bullshit. Even guys who are attractive and interested I've turned down. Hot guy, dick not big enough, sorry. Hot guy, hot body, huge dick, weird energy? Sorry, this was a hard one, but no I don't like your energy. Attractive guy, good size dick, no chemistry? I'm sorry, it's not gonna work for me. Hot guy but married? Sorry can't do it. I try to be kind each time of course. I find that my directness kind of commands respect from these men. And my courteous nature lends itself to respectful interactions. Which has been great. 

I guess because this isn't something I NEED, just something I want I can be picky and also patient. I'd rather go without and wait for the right guy than jump into something with someone that doesn't feel right from the beginning. I've also been better at cutting off things that aren't serving me. If there's no end game there's no point in using my energy on someone. 

Saying no, politely disconnecting, this has been great for my healing. Good things have started happening for me since I tapped into my own power. Funny enough I find that men are drawn to it. It's been interesting to see the shift. I would love to find a cool guy to connect with that I can laugh with and have deep talks with and also have a physical  connection with. Then I can close ranks and just enjoy the roster. 

Would love to find a fuck buddy who wants to explore sexual things with me. Different kinks, sex parties, swinging situations, threesomes, etc. Someone open minded and who I feel comfortable exploring with. That would be awesome. 

Thanks for showing me that despite appearing nice all guys (at least the ones on reddit) just want one thing from me. Aaaaannnnd I'm done. I was naive I guess to think I could find something meaningful on there. I just have to give up. The only thing I can get on there is men who want me sexually and have nothing else to offer me. You just had to keep pushing. 

From now on  I'll stop lying to myself thinking that I can have something special with anyone on there. I guess its just a place for empty chats. or no chats at all. I'm so bored with these fucking men. They turn on the charm for a day, and that's it. Like I need to go back to not talking to anyone.  They can't fucking help themselves. They all want the same thing. 

Thanks to anyone who was respectful although its a very minuscule number. Thanks to the one or two who've never gotten sexual with me. I get that i have a very sexual online presence but i am an actual person. 

From now on I'm taking the red flags the moment they come. 

-if you say something predatory, BYE
-if you are disrespectful, BYE
-if you try to manipulate me, BYE
-if you don't communicate, BYE

-i was busy is not an acceptable excuse to not text for 24 hours. period.
-i was just kidding, is not an acceptable excuse for predatory language.

so going fwd i'm not a real life person you have access to.  I'm just an online persona you can interact with in comments on reddit. And that's all folks. I'll just share my stories and keep it to that.  You get what you get and you're lucky to get anything at all. and you  only have yourselves to blame.
 

At the risk of sounding like a boomer, shaking my fist and saying "these kids today...", I do feel like I've done some field research and gathered some observations.

Dating in my 40s, I use the term "dating" loosely as I can't even consider this dating as I'm not even being taken out on dates. Guys just wanna "get coffee" to see if you're even worth it. Or more likely to see if you're down to fuck. But I digress, dating in my 40s has made me privy to the behaviors of younger men. And after having experienced a number of them at this point I've come across some patterns. 

And  you know, maybe this is how this generation (ppl in  their 20s) all act. And I'm the outlier. So it's up to me to either adapt or just not fuck with them I suppose. As shiny and new and yummy as they are I keep forgetting none of them can give me what I want/deserve. It's tricky because they are eager. And a lot of them act as if they want to worship me. But their version of worship is....very lite. Very....macbook air, thin as a potato chip type worship. I'm over here like give me the big clunky thick old Dell laptop version of worship. 

Why are the young men attracted to older women? You know what, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's get back to my findings.

1. Communication (HOW).
Communication is VASTLY different. This generation doesn't communicate the same. I'm from a time of emails as a form of communication. And before that, even real letters (gasp!). I'm used to long form communication. It yields better conversation. If I give you a paragraph you've got plenty in there to respond to and that gets the conversation going. This generation never really had to do that. So this is a lost art. They communicate in bite sized chunks. Short sentences. And I guess thats reflective of other things. Dating app culture. Social media culture. Everything is instant. You can go on any app and customize your settings like you're customizing your bowl at Chipotle. It's either exactly how you want it or you toss it. I feel like this particular aspect applies mostly to women of this generation. Either he ticks  all your boxes or he's out. If he has even one flaw, throw him out. Like damn girl, how are you ever gonna get to know anyone? We're all flawed. And a short blurb and some pics can't convey our entire personalities. How many times have you heard "i really couldn't stand her when i met her, but now we're best friends!". That shit is real. You have to get to know a person. Another digression, this post will be full of them. I find young men have very little to say. Then they want to move to snapchat and NOT COMMUNICATE AT ALL. Snapchat is not for writing. They talk in pictures. They just want to see you naked and get off. This is the opposite of the kind of connection I want to build. Do any of these people have a personality?? Is it reserved only for ppl in their every day life? I genuinely want to know you. Why won't you give me anything??

2. Communication (WHEN)
Another aspect of this I've seen patterns of is how often they choose to interact. This one was genuinely new to me and  I really do think it must be indicative of this generation of 20 somethings. They don't prioritize talking. They don't have conversations. Like I said, everything is in snippets. They'll answer a question, then ask you one, then not respond for 12 hours.  Like what? Then why engage if you're not going to respond? I don't get it. I'm used to when you really like someone and are excited to know them you just wanna chat with them as much as possible. Nope. Not them. Like, having a real time conversation for more than a minute or two is impossible. Which is so disappointing to me. Because how are we going to build any kind of connection if you don't talk to me? How do we build trust and get to know each other if you won't say more than a few words to me at any given time? They don't value good communication. I'm sorry but you get off work and you don't want to sit and talk to me at all the entire night? Then what are we doing? If you're not gonna prioritize time for me that why am I wasting any energy on you? I've had men text me while they were on official government business. lol. like, its all about what you value and prioritize. And I just feel like they don't value talking these days. Or they just don't get excited enough to talk to me.  And I want to talk to someone who's excited to talk to me because thats the energy i bring. 

Which brings me to my next observation

3. Their time is the only time that matters or exists to them. I've heard guys this age complain about girls their age. Either they don't know what they want or they don't talk. Or I dunno maybe they're tired of putting forth effort. And maybe they think an older woman is easier. No pretense. She doesn't need anything from  you but sex. This is the fantasy of the older woman. I am NOT that. They want a mommy. They want someone who will shower them with attention. But they only engage when they feel like it. Which is sporadic. So they're all focused on work. Which, hey, good for you. But again, you're not prioritizing me. You have your work, you have your free time which is YOUR time and i dare not question that. And maybe you'll send something here or there. The only time you're fully engaged is when you're horny. And yet you expect me to be available when you want. You expect me to pour my energy into you when you want it, and then do NOTHING to reciprocate that. If i'm only entertaining you during your work hours and during your free time I don't hear from you? pshh get the fuck out of here. If you want me to entertain you, pay me. 

And as someone from a generation of communication, if I bring any of this up and call them out on their bullshit they get mad and try to gas light me. But I don't do scraps. If you give scraps you get scraps. And I'm like why am I bothering with scraps when I could just not talk to them and make space for someone else? And if you try to squeeze me in  instead of setting aside time for  me, I'm not interested. 

Last night was strange...

I went out to the usual haunts. There was a live band playing and I was enjoying the music. I treated myself to a few drinks and i was very loose.

I saw a guy there, a regular at the bar I always go to. He was with his gf. Everytime I run into them they're always so nice to me and treat me like we're old friends even though I've only ever had small talk in passing. They invited me to hang out and since I was alone I jumped at the opportunity. I was hanging out with their group all night. I would go to a different bar or walk around but I kept running into them. At the end of the night when all the bars were closing I sat alone on a bench sobering up before I could drive home. 3  drinks is my goddamn max and I was spinning. I was sitting listening to music on my headphones when guess who strolls by, the dude with the girlfriend. He sat down next to me. I took my headphones out to engage in what I thought would be a short convo. It wasn't.

Somehow it turned into this guy professing his interest in me. Telling me about how he's been checking me out since he first saw me (last year) at the bar. That he would look for me everytime he was there and that he would watch me when he saw me. He told me he would be lost looking at me and people were trying to get his attention. He told me women in their 20s throw themsleves at him (he's in his 50s i think) and basically implied he's had relations with many of the bartenders and servers in the area. But there was something about me. The way I kept to myself, he seemed to be super attracted to that. He just kind of layed all his feelings on the table. Telling me he wishes he had said something before he got a girlfriend and implying he's less than happy. And that he'd like to go out with me some time. 

like....WOWWWWWW....this was ALOT.

I was not prepared for this.  I'm sure to him this was some grand romantic gesture. And really what could I do but laugh nervously? I feel like I have trained myself to make men feel at ease in any situation as a means of self preservation. Not just men, anyone I perceive a threat. I used to do this with my sister as kids too. With her I would act like a buffoon to de-escalate. With men I just smile and laugh nervously.

This man was making me very uncomfortable and I felt like there was nothing I could say. I didn't feel comfortable saying "I'm not interested", it wasn't even a question. He didn't seem to think that was even an option because....he gets whoever he wants??? I certainly didn't reciprocate those feelings. I just got quiet and laughed nervously. Neutral. A voice inside me was saying "you should be flattered." But why? I don't have any interest in this man. Why must I entertain the advances of people I'm not into? Just because they show interest. What kind of damage is that? Now it's just gonna make every interaction awkward. Maybe I should just tell him I'm seeing someone. Which isn't a lie.

It made me think of the people who have made advances in my time there. It's always the ones I don't want. Isn't that always the way. I had a woman who I found completely unattractive ask me on a date. In front of everyone. Making it very awkward for me and hard to say no as I am always afraid to hurt anyone's feelings.

I've lately started getting into the habit of not even engaging with someone online if I know from the jump that I don't have any interest. I don't want to waste their time or lead them on or waste my energy. I'm not obligated to reciprocate anything. I had this guy reach out to me on a site. I wasn't interested so I did not engage. A week later he sent me a message telling me off that I should have told him I wasn't interested and that he was gonna block me. First of all, no response is a response. Take the hint. If I were to shoot my shot with a guy I found attractive and he didn't acknowledge that message, I would take the L and move on. What kind of incel bullshit is this demanding a response shit? I don't owe you shit. I'm not obligated to make you feel better. Sometimes its a hit and sometimes its a miss. That's life. I'm super nice. Almost to a fault. At the expense of my mental health and at times at the expense of my personal safety. But I'm not doing it anymore. 

I don't know why being nice has become "she's interested". It bites me in the ass every time. And its just my nature. I'm a friendly person. That has somehow turned into "she's easy" "she's asking for it" "I can make advances at her" "I can grab her body parts", etc. Jesus fucking christ. In this instance I was not flirting or anything. I was quite literally just being myself. 

I would have accepted a  "you know I always thought you were cute and had a little thing for you" to  gauge interest. To which I would have responded "aww, that's nice" and he would have gotten his answer. Do not proceed. 

Why is no one ever interested in a goddamn friendship? I'm interesting as a love interest or for sex, but how bout just getting to know me and hanging out just as 2 fucking people? jesus. ugh. /end rant.