My sub came back, we had a round 2

I'm not gonna lie, I was a bit gutted when he ended things. But I moved on. I was happy that it ended nicely. After a couple weeks or so he reached out and I was so happy to hear from him to be honest. But he just happened to catch me when I was in a very horny headspace and I started to get sexual with him. I asked him if he would be up for servicing me again. He said absolutely. So I kept things very chill. Talking all the time was a mistake. I get too attached when I talk to someone too much. Anyway cut to today. I've been struggling not having any male touch in too long. My bf has been busy and its been leaving me feeling antsy. I've also had some other shit going on that left me in not the most sexual headspace. But spending the day primping and cleaning and prepping things for my sub to come over put me in a good mood. I ended up masturbating before he got here. I was just super excited. I decided that I would eat some mushroom chocolates because i always wanna be touching someone when I do and i've never done anything sexual on them before. 

When he got here I already had my plan. I had on my little lingerie. I brought him into my bedroom and just wanted to touch him. I wanted him to touch me. And he did, and I LOVED it. I told him he was going to give me a massage. Rules of the massage were: you can tease my pussy, you can graze your hand against it, but no touching it directly. I wanted a good tease. So I laid down and he  got the oil and started rubbing. Well let me fucking tell you, the whole fucking thing felt amazing as fuck. I was gonna play music on a speaker but i got so caught up that i didn't. He rubbed me from my toes to my face. I made him spend extra time on my boobs. Then  I flipped over and ohhhhh myyyy gooodddd......it was orgasmic. The chocolate was doing its thing babe. Because  I was giggling and moaning, it was just so delicious! I kept forgetting myself. I kept going between I want him to this just feels so relaxing and i would just catch myself and giggle. I was able to stop and talk and laugh and that was really nice. That's a vibe ive been trying to recreate in the bedroom for a long time. It's really lovely to feel comfortable enough to laugh and talk and then moan and feel pleasure. It was so exquisite. His hands on me. Especially on my lower back. It felt like he was making love to me with his hands. I can't even explain it!!! It was AMAZING. Also, these chocolates made me very vocal. lol. There was no hiding my pleasure thats for sure. 

After at least an hour of massage I think he was sucking on my nipples and he put my wand (toy) inside me because I was SOOOOO wet, and I told him so. So in it went. But I think I wanted his touch, his warm body, more than the toy. So I told him to take it out, and put his face there instead. Which he happily obliged. There was so much build up at this point. I wanted to hump his face and devour him with my pussy.  🤭 But then I made him back up so i could just feel his tongue. I was, from what he told me, doing the bulk of the work at first. Kind of grinding his face (i was so horny) and then after a while I made him do the work. 

So lots to say.
1. I felt like i had a bunch of tiny little orgasms, if that makes sense? It was just so pleasurable so much. Instead of it all building to one giant orgasm it was just a bunch of little ones and a blunt orgasm. It's strange. I wonder if it was the chocolates. I don't know if I can cum regularly but I really wanted to fuck. 

2. I've never been more present and in my body during a sexual encounter and it was amaaaaaaaazing. And maybe thats the hiccup with the orgasm? Maybe there's only so much the body can do. Maybe the real orgasms come from the mind. Although I thought the whole thing was so fucking hot. And it really showed me that we place so much focus on an orgasm when you can have so much pleasure and not cum. 

3. I have never had a more intimate experience. Outside of my marriage of course. When he was massaging me, it felt really lovely and intimate. I just wanted to touch him. I wanted to feel him against me. When I would feel his body brush against me or lean on me it felt so exciting and erotic. The massage was erotic and also intimate. Then when he was going down on me i just wanted to touch him. At one point we were holding hands while he wen down on me and i LOVED the intimacy of it. It felt so special, so connected. 

4. It's become clear the I can't cum without making a mess. If a guy wants to go down on me just to experience it or just to warm me up, great. no problem. If a guy wants to make me cum? He's gotta be ok with piss because i'm sorry to say, it's gonna happen. In this situation, that's not squirt. And it fucking sucks I have no control over it. But good news is I can get pleasure and warmed up for sex with just some oral. I don't need to cum from it. Shit, I got warmed up from the fucking massage. There are lots of other ways to get my pussy wet and ready for big dick, i promise. But if you fuck me you better be ok with the sheets getting wet. 

5. I was able to receive pleasure really well tonight. Thanks to the chocolates. I was able to relax. Also helped that we had done this before so there was already trust there. But I'm SO proud of myself BECAUSE I was able to have a very intimate connection with someone that I consider a friend (fwb), we were able to hold each other and be very close and I was able to enjoy it for what it was! And leave it at that! And that's what I've been trying to achieve since my  ONS in Nashville years ago. You can have a really lovely intimate connected present experience in the bedroom and just enjoy it for what it is in the moment. This is HUGE for me!!!!!! eeek! 

And yeah that's all I can think of. I'm tired as shit right now.