Damn, this sucks

It takes me sooooo long to find someone to be intimate with. There's a certain level of trust and respect that has to be earned. I don't take this lightly. Yet despite all that people still disappoint me. I always care too much. That's my damage. Fucking demisexual bullshit. I just want to have some value to someone I'm intimate with.

Anyway, now I'll have to find someone else to fill that slot. Is it possible to find a guy who's willing to please me orally for hours, is normal and communicates well, and doesn't expect anything in return? It was hard to find the first time. I really do want to find that person to worship my body and focus on my pleasure. It's actually a major role in my journey. One that holds a lot of weight. I'm trusting this person, being at my MOST vulnerable with them. And with that I do expect this person to appreciate that this is a big deal to me. Which makes them special. I don't get intimate with just anyone. This is someone I plan to be consistent with. I want them to watch me blossom into someone who knows their body and knows exactly how to receive pleasure. I have so much growing to do in that dept. They could play a pivotal role in that journey. 

I'm too mentally exhausted to try to find someone on Reddit and plus I deleted it from my phone. 

If you can recommend someone you trust, let me know. I feel like those of you who actually read this see value in me, otherwise why would you follow me? I do appreciate you by the way. ​😘