So its no secret to anyone who follows me, I'm a boob gal. I love my boobs, I love other woman's boobs, I LOVE nipple play. I can't cum without nipple play. I have purchased plenty of nipple toys including my 2 most recent ones. Newsflash, they were disappointing. The pump was cool. But the vibrating nipple clamps were toooo weak. I couldn't feel a thing.

Along with knowing about my love of boobs you may also know that I like to play with the mommy dynamic. That sort of taps into adult nursing. Something I was actually interested in but for me lactation wasn't something i would ever do. Why put my body through that for some guy?

Lately the desire to be milked has been plaguing my thoughts. Thats why I've been searching for the right toy. Something that will give me that immense pleasure...but also the thought of being milked was so hot to me. To be treated like an object, like a hucow (though not 100% sure what that entails). or some kind of animal. I don't know why but that excites my brain. 

Then I started to really think...wait....and honestly I don't know where the thought came from but I had the idea to buy a breast pump. I looked and that same day I found someone selling a brand new pump for a very affordable price like 30 min away. So I made a mission to get it that day. I took it home and popped it on and HOLY shit let me tell you. It felt better than any sex toy i'd ever had. H-O-L-Y shit. I was in ABSOLUTE HEAVEN. So much so that I left them on for 90 min! woops!!! my nippes looked SOOOO delicious after. I'll post that below. 

Since then  I have fallen head over heels with the idea. I need a nursing bra and some supplements to help with milk production. And I need to stay on a strict feeding schedule so my body gets the message that there's a demand. 

I'll admit, at first it was simply something to facilitate this mommy fantasy and to make it way hotter. To entice all the boys to crave my big milky tits. And I thought, you know, if I continue this for real, at some point milk WILL come in. And at some point its going to be noticeable. My first thought is, hide it as much as you can. Never let anyone know. I felt judgment and shame preemptively. But the truth is who cares? Yeah ok it's weird but it's not hurting anyone. People do things with their bodies all the time. Tattoos, piercings, bodybuilding. If my body can do this cool magic trick of producing milk, why not have fun with it?

Breastfeeding the first time around was awful. Soooo much pressure to not give up, i didn't know I wasn't making enough milk, my kid was starving. So much stress and guilt. Not to mention painful as hell. I only lasted a couple months before giving the formula bottle. Once that happened there was no going back. The boob was refused. I had always hoped I'd get a 2nd chance with my next kid but that just wasn't in the cards for me. But THIS is my second chance! Without stress of being responsible for another human life. This time it's just for me!!! For my own enjoyment of it.  It's like getting to cosplay the fun parts of the whole pregnancy/breastfeeding part of my life. The female body is so incredible. I want to tap back into that beautiful process. 

I decided that instead hiding it I would just let it be and OWN it.  I find it very empowering! I am taking control of my own body and doing something that makes ME happy. Sure there's the added benefit that it's hot but even if no one came around to nurse I would still be just as happy on my own. And thats actually kind of huge for me. Finding something that makes ME happy even if no one else cared or was involved. :)

I find this a very spiritual experience. Very divine feminine. And the pleasure I get from the pumping is absolute blisssss.

But who knows, maybe i'll find some good boys to worship my breasts and nurse to keep them from going dry. *wink wink*

This is the beginning of my lactation journey and i'll be sharing the journey on the blog!! 

Enjoy some visuals below!

my porn lately has been wild. like....ok....theres the kind of porn you watch bc its extreme and you need that to get off but would never do any of it. Then there's the porn where you're like......do I want this? bitch do you WANT this???? this? the kind of thing you were appalled at before?

and before all y'all motherfuckers start getting in my DMs talkin bout "what were you watching?" its not. for you. to know. y'all don't need to know everything about me. i reserve certain things just for my fantasies. 

buuutttt.....some of this stuff is making me question how much of a freak i truly am. cuz damn. lol! this is the point of my blog, my journey!! its a sexual journey and i've come so far from the prudish housewife who couldn't say cock or even "SEX" out loud. 

but truly, it would take a certain person and a certain chemistry to bring some of this stuff out. i don't  have a list of kinks to try. so many guys are like "what do you wanna do? tell me".  i know most men are looking to try "things", for me its more about different dynamics and connections. and how extreme a partner is would probably determine what i expose about myself. i keep this stuff pretty close to the chest. if it comes out organically then cool. but it has to be something both pp are into. and not something i need. but like.....clearly something me in is drawn to it.

although i have encountered some pretty extreme guys in the past. some were tooooooo much. and a couple...well damn....they fucking woke something up in me that i didn't know i had. my brain was like ugh no and my pussy was like bitch you don't speak for me!

so yeah, its interesting!!!! just have to find the right ppl to explore with ​🙈

I remember discussing the idea with Mr. Big. We had gotten to the point in our....(i don't know...what would you call it? Situationship?) where 
i felt comfortable enough with him, not only that but i found myself getting deeper into a submissive state with him. It was exciting!! I found myself wanting to be more and more of a slut. To shut off my brain and just worship cock and be used. Something I could ONLY ever do when there's a certain level of trust and respect. 

He always loved how much I love cock, big cock especially. It turned him on to know how turned on and cock hungry i can be. I discussed a scenario where I would be the object of lust and be swimming in cocks. I told him I didn't like the term gangbang. Made me feel cheap and used. I didn't want to feel that way. It would have to be guys who were vetted and kind. 

We never got passed a conversation or 2 about this....but today my hormones have me thinking about it. I probably could only do this when my hormones are peaking. It's the only time my sexual needs override my emotional needs. That said, it couldn't be just anyone. I'm thinking of perhaps collecting some potential men that I can call on for something like this. Pre-vetted so that when the mood strikes me....I can just hit them up. 

These are my rules:

- MUST be STD free with recent test results
-Must  send in full body pics and penis (not looking for models here but I need to know what i'm getting into and if I want that)
-MUST respect all boundaries including: 
NO spitting
NO choking
NO pinning me down
NO pics or videos, this has to live in your imagination
No anal (sorry not there yet, but maybe one day)
No married men

What is ok:
-Light spanking (once or twice but not too hard i'm not into pain)
-light degradation, make it sweet
-praise
-light face slaps

-If at any point I start to get too sore and it hurts to fuck, I can tap out on fucking and you can use my mouth or jerk off on any part of my body. 

What I'm envisioning:

I will be in a subspace before we begin. If  I'm not, my partner will get me into subspace. I'll be blindfolded the entire time. He'll practically have me begging for cock. That's when you boys enter. You'll be allowed to touch me all over. You'll be allowed access to my mouth. You can eat my pussy if you like but 
I don't want be fingered without some build up. It takes time to be properly lubricated and I love being teased. Play with my tits. Squeeze the. Slap them around. Twist and suck on my nipples. I'll use my mouth and hands on as many cocks as I can handle but the one in my mouth will get priority. When I start to beg to be fucked it's up to you who gets me first. My goal?  I want to be a cum dump. I want every man to fill me up. I want every drop in my pussy. Cum is the best lube. I love the idea of being fucked with so much cum inside me. And being a big slut for daddy. If you have a breeding kink this is a great plus. The idea of all these men fucking me and anyone of them could get me pregnant is so hot for my slutty sub brain. When I reach a point where my pussy can't take anymore I want whoever's not in my mouth to stand over me and jerk off. You can touch any part of me.  Once my pussy is full of cum I want it on my body. On my face, in my hair, on my pussy, my ass, my stomach, my tits, wherever you want. I want it all over, I want to rub it all around me. After that, whatever daddy wants to do to me is up to him. If anyone gets off on eating the cum from inside my pussy that's a fun little treat.

Once we're done playing you can leave. If you feel up to it you can stick around while I shower and then hang out and chat afterwards. It would be wonderful to find guys who become regulars for this little scenario. 

This one....I mean...it has potential....

Oh if you're reading this and want to be part of it.....either send me a message on reddit or click "contact me" on the blog. 

I went back to entertaining men to try to get over Mr. Big. 

But I just didn't seem to have it in me, I matched with a handful of guys, there's plenty of big dick to be had. And yet.....sigh.....even if they get passed my usual vetting process, I just can't find the energy to go on a date anymore. Like whats the point? Shave, pluck, primp, make up and hair, squeeze into an outfit and smell good for someone who doesn't put in half as much effort. Just to end up putting on a performance. That shit takes a lot of energy I just don't have. I'd rather save my money and sit my ass at home with my luxuries. 

I don't want to meet ppl. I don't want to date. I just wanna skip to the part where I trust you and we feel comfortable with each other and you can come over and chill. We can eat, watch something, maybe get high and talk about life, then have some great sex and cuddle for a while. Then you can leave and I can be at peace. I want what I had with Mr. Big. sigh.....you know, I would have explored so much with him.....he was my safe space. 

Now I'm left to try to fill that void yet again. And honestly I don't think I can invest so much of myself into someone who's just gonna be whatever about it. 

So at this point.... i'm just looking for someone I find attractive that I have sexual chemistry with and just go to his place. Have a nice evening, connect in a real way, do whatever feels right, and then call it a night. and go on about my business..

I just....have to conserve my energy. it's sacred. and when i give, it builds, the more i trust the more i'll give. but you HAVE to water the plants....or they will wither and die....i'm so tired of men who don't get that. or don't care. I'm an investment. If you're not willing to invest the energy, and no one is, then leave me alone. Stop giving me all this A game when you're simply doing that to get to me. I crave consistency. 

I like the idea of being a woman in power. I also like the idea of being BAD.

Today I had to do some work stuff at home and for some reason, needed a little stress relief. I scooped my big heavy tits out of my top and let them hang over my bra. Then I got my nipple clamps out and attached them. The heft of them pulling on my nipples was incredible. Then I went and got my clit sucker toy and brought it out and put it in place. I turned on my laptop cam and imagined myself in a zoom meeting with other men. I thought....imagine conducting a professional meeting, discussing projects and scheduling with all cameras on in the gallery. Only, when someone else begins talking I pan my camera down to expose my big tits with nipple clamps. What would their reactions be? I want to entice them, to tease them. I look to see who joins me. I notice some men trying to continue the meeting as nothing out of the ordinary has happened. Maybe as to not draw attention and scare me away from my actions because they want this to continue. The same way you didn't want to change the channel when the porn channels came in clear by some fluke miracle back in the day. I ask some questions, keeping on the topic at hand, camera continuing to point at my tits only now I'm swaying them side to side letting the ball and chains from my nipple clamps sway and clink together. 

Then I see it,  a camera tilted just low enough, neck down, cock in hand. It's a magnificent cock too. I let out a little moan at the sight of it. Someone  plays a video of a presentation they've been working on. Everyone uses this as a distraction. Hands racing down, belts coming off, shirts being lifted. Till there they are, a beautiful chorus of penises being stroked. I lean back and bend one knee up on my chair to expose my pussy. This sends them into a fury. At this point no one is able to pretend to care about the meeting. I see hands on cocks, and what's even hotter, all their wedding rings. 

I ask them if they want this pussy. I ask them if they'd like to take my pussy together. One by one. Shooting a load in me. Feeling the slickness of the load before them. Knowing they're all taking turns breeding their boss. Then I pull out a huge cucumber I've been eyeing for days. I lean my mouth into frame and attempt to fellate this massive fruit (yeah it's a fruit, look it up),  it's girth absolutely stretching my lips. When it's got enough slobber on it, I run it down my tits, my stomach and finally down to my steaming engorged pussy. I tell them I'm going to fuck myself with it and imagine it's them fucking me. And I want them to give me the biggest load they've got. They begin vigorously stroking now. I insert the cucumber  and let out  gasp at the coldness of it. I slowly push in and out, allowing my pussy to moisten and welcome it in. After a few strokes she finally opens up and begins to swallow it. My labia stretched across the massive  girth. Another moan. God I can't believe how good this feels. I manage to get it almost all the way in, minus about 2 inches a the top. How did I fit it all? I begin slowly pulling it out. Then in, then out. My lips hanging on tightly with suction. Now I'm too enthralled to even look at the screen. All I can do is pound my pussy with this long thick massive cucumber. I begin to squirt all over my seat but I can't stop. Beating my pussy like it owed me money. I was in a trance now. All I could think about was this giant cucumber and completely surrendering myself to it. I squirt a few more times until finally I manage to snap back to reality. I look at the screen and see cumshots on stomachs. On full display. To show me, like proud children showing their teacher how well they did the assignment. I smiled with pride and slowly removed the cucumber, covered in my creamy discharge. I sat up and put my tits away, fixed my hair and aimed the camera back at my face. My cheeks were flushed and hair was stuck to my face. The men all tilted their cameras up again. Trying to regain a sense of professionalism. I told them I was very pleased with what I saw today.

​And then next week's meeting...would be held in person.