How it feels to be a slut

Let me preface this by saying, I'm a good girl. Anyone who's met me will tell you I'm shy. I have a nervous giggle. I'm vague bc I'm too shy to use the actual words I'm thinking. All that shit. And I am by no means, easy. Of all the men I've spoken to, only a handful have ever seen me naked. And one....only one....has seen the side of me I don't let out. 

It has been really incredible to have a consistent lover. To be able to open up and let my guard down. He's seen me blossom into someone different than the woman he met who acted like she wasn't even going to entertain him. He's witnessed me breaking all my own rules for him. He brought out a side of me I have been dying to unleash. More than I ever consciously realized. 

He's seen my eyes change as I go into a subspace where I have no thoughts other than his cock. Desperately needing it like I need air to breathe. Whining when he pulls out or takes it from my mouth. Blissfully worshiping his cock and balls and wanting my face covered in them like I'm being blessed with holy water. Happily becoming a mess of drool and snot and tears while i gag and gorge myself on his fat piece of meat....sorry i got distracted with that one..... 

anyway....the more we play, the more I excited I get, the more subby I become. I'm starting to see what kind of sub i am. I'm a whiny needy sub who loves praise and sweet degradation, a gentle but firm dom who treats me like a princess and a whore. I love to be whiny. I love to be sweet and cute and little girl-like, that makes it hotter to be a whore. When I get in that headspace, wow...whew. 

The last time we played, he got a marker and wrote on me. He spread my legs and wrote on my thighs and right above my pussy Bred Slut", "BWC here ⬇️", "Big Dick ONLY" and he took a picture. I have to say....this is the HOTTEST picture of me. And i love it! 

I'm a bit nervous to share these things because I'm afraid guys will think they can talk to me or treat me a certain way or expect certain things from me. The way I behave sexually is completely dependent on the person and situation. I'm not led by kink. I'm led by connection. Different connections serve different kinks. And I have plenty of them. This is one side of me. Not the only side of me. 

But this is part of my journey, exploring all parts of myself. And I wanted to document this. How does it feel to be someone's slut? It's really fucking hot. The person has to earn my trust to ever get close to that point. He has to show me respect and communicate clearly and care about consent. But it feels so good to let go and be a brain dead cock hungry bimbo. Now I understand subspace. It's really therapeutic. 

I believe we have merely scratched the surface of my kinks and fantasies. He of course, like most men, is eager to explore the kinks. But I don't have a list of things I want to scratch off my list. I have sexy thought and fantasies that pop up from time to time but they all have to happen organically for me. And they don't all have to be done with the same person. Sometimes the connection doesn't lend itself to that, sometimes it does. All I know is that there's a lot more I wanted to explore with him. It really takes me so long to open up and allow myself to explore some of these things. its so deeply rooted...the sexual repression. But baby steps. 

Perhaps my favorite part of the night was when, after fucking for a while, he said lets put on some clothes and hang out. So we sat on my couch and just talked. At some point I started to get kind of sleepy and I layed my head on his chest. He instinctively wrapped his arm around me and held me tight. OMGGGGG it felt SO  good! I haven't been held like that in so long. My heart 😍.  I was so blissfully happy in his arms, on his chest, listening to him talk. Then he looked at me and said he wanted to go again, but slow this time. ughhhhh! 🥴️ 😍 With him, even if I'm sore, I never say no to his cock. 

It's that sweetness that allows me to give up control. I know he would never hurt me. I mean....not on purpose 😂 he does get a kick out of me telling him its too deep. 

Oh! I finally got to break out my sex pillow! it's this pillow used for sex or oral. It's like a wedge that goes under me to lift my ass up. The angle was great because he went deep and hard this time an I felt more stretched out than ever. From the video I was like wow he went IN, how was i able to handle it without screaming? The pillow! Can't believe it took me this long to remember to use it. 

Anyway, that was our last rendezvous for a while. Went out with a bang. I felt satisfied physically and emotionally. Not to mention we always have the best deep talks. Ugh writing this is turning me on making me think of it all....