Reddit classics (004)

Let's talk about men and performance issues.

I love you guys. Seriously. It means the world to me when you interact and share your pov with me!!❤️❤️

Continuing with my trying to understand men better, I’m curious about performance issues.

This might tie into my last post. A commenter said that sex is a place for a man to feel confident about himself so naturally, there might be some anxiety that comes with that. As a woman I’m never afraid my pussy won’t work. It’s there. Lol. It’s warm, it’s wet, it’s enveloping. When it gets to the actual sex part I kind of just take it. All my work comes before that. And all that stuff is stuff I’m 100% confident in. Am I good in bed? Who knows? I haven’t had any complaints. I also haven’t had that many partners.

It wasn’t until my ex started having ED issues that I began to even see the pressure on men when it comes to sex. Like you guys do a number on us mentally. And you KNOW this. You fuck with our emotions, use us, etc etc. And so I guess our version of that is we expect you to be HARD and cum. I mean that’s all we’ve seen. That’s all we’ve been taught. Your value is in making a guy hard and making him cum. When you can’t do that, it affects your self worth. You think there’s something wrong with you.

But my ex told me quite the opposite. It does quite a number on a guy’s self worth bc he’s expected to do these things. And as much as you guys have this reputation (especially on here) of being sex robots who constantly wanna stick their dick in something and nut in something and are on auto pilot, apparently there’s more going on. I didn’t know guys “got in their head” and that can affect performance. Fascinating. Also one more step to humanizing you all. Lol. As a woman, I adore when a man can express vulnerability.

I was putting so much pressure on my ex. Because all I ever heard was I never wanted sex, let’s have sex, be sexually available, so when I was l was like fine, HERE, is this what you want? And then after all that this is what I get?? I was annoyed! But I had no idea all the things he was going through mentally as a result of this. He opened my eyes to things I didn’t know. For example, he told me when we were first dating that guys have sexual fantasies about women all around them. Lol. Like a stranger they saw once or even a girlfriend’s sister. It’s not personal. Everyone is fair game when it comes to the spank bank.

Having this experience with him and hearing his side of things helped me be more sensitive to this issue. I was with a guy earlier this year. He was hot. We were HOT together. I could tell with certainty how much he was enjoying it. But he explained to me that it takes a lot for him to cum. And that many times with women he just doesn’t. But he still enjoys it. I can absolutely relate to this as none of these guys (outside of my marriage) have made me cum. But I’ve always really enjoyed it. Knowing that up front let us both relax and release expectations and just have fun. Being honest and communicating these things beforehand would go a long way to make sex more fun for both parties. We’re all human. Real life isn’t a porno.

Also I think we need to stop focusing on orgasms in general and just enjoy the experience.
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I’m curious, what are your thoughts/experiences? What kinds of things do you get in your head about?