Sex after 40
Last night was strange...
I went out to the usual haunts. There was a live band playing and I was enjoying the music. I treated myself to a few drinks and i was very loose. I saw a guy there, a regular at the bar I always go to. He was with his gf. Everytime I run into them they're always so nice to me and treat me like we're old friends even though I've only ever had small talk in passing. They invited me to hang out and since I was alone I jumped at the opportunity. I was hanging out with their group all night. I would go to a different bar or walk around but I kept running into them. At the end of the night when all the bars were closing I sat alone on a bench sobering up before I could drive home. 3 drinks is my goddamn max and I was spinning. I was sitting listening to music on my headphones when guess who strolls by, the dude with the girlfriend. He sat down next to me. I took my headphones out to engage in what I thought would be a short convo. It wasn't. Somehow it turned into this guy professing his interest in me. Telling me about how he's been checking me out since he first saw me (last year) at the bar. That he would look for me everytime he was there and that he would watch me when he saw me. He told me he would be lost looking at me and people were trying to get his attention. He told me women in their 20s throw themsleves at him (he's in his 50s i think) and basically implied he's had relations with many of the bartenders and servers in the area. But there was something about me. The way I kept to myself, he seemed to be super attracted to that. He just kind of layed all his feelings on the table. Telling me he wishes he had said something before he got a girlfriend and implying he's less than happy. And that he'd like to go out with me some time. like....WOWWWWWW....this was ALOT. I was not prepared for this. I'm sure to him this was some grand romantic gesture. And really what could I do but laugh nervously? I feel like I have trained myself to make men feel at ease in any situation as a means of self preservation. Not just men, anyone I perceive a threat. I used to do this with my sister as kids too. With her I would act like a buffoon to de-escalate. With men I just smile and laugh nervously. This man was making me very uncomfortable and I felt like there was nothing I could say. I didn't feel comfortable saying "I'm not interested", it wasn't even a question. He didn't seem to think that was even an option because....he gets whoever he wants??? I certainly didn't reciprocate those feelings. I just got quiet and laughed nervously. Neutral. A voice inside me was saying "you should be flattered." But why? I don't have any interest in this man. Why must I entertain the advances of people I'm not into? Just because they show interest. What kind of damage is that? Now it's just gonna make every interaction awkward. Maybe I should just tell him I'm seeing someone. Which isn't a lie. It made me think of the people who have made advances in my time there. It's always the ones I don't want. Isn't that always the way. I had a woman who I found completely unattractive ask me on a date. In front of everyone. Making it very awkward for me and hard to say no as I am always afraid to hurt anyone's feelings. I've lately started getting into the habit of not even engaging with someone online if I know from the jump that I don't have any interest. I don't want to waste their time or lead them on or waste my energy. I'm not obligated to reciprocate anything. I had this guy reach out to me on a site. I wasn't interested so I did not engage. A week later he sent me a message telling me off that I should have told him I wasn't interested and that he was gonna block me. First of all, no response is a response. Take the hint. If I were to shoot my shot with a guy I found attractive and he didn't acknowledge that message, I would take the L and move on. What kind of incel bullshit is this demanding a response shit? I don't owe you shit. I'm not obligated to make you feel better. Sometimes its a hit and sometimes its a miss. That's life. I'm super nice. Almost to a fault. At the expense of my mental health and at times at the expense of my personal safety. But I'm not doing it anymore. I don't know why being nice has become "she's interested". It bites me in the ass every time. And its just my nature. I'm a friendly person. That has somehow turned into "she's easy" "she's asking for it" "I can make advances at her" "I can grab her body parts", etc. Jesus fucking christ. In this instance I was not flirting or anything. I was quite literally just being myself. I would have accepted a "you know I always thought you were cute and had a little thing for you" to gauge interest. To which I would have responded "aww, that's nice" and he would have gotten his answer. Do not proceed. Why is no one ever interested in a goddamn friendship? I'm interesting as a love interest or for sex, but how bout just getting to know me and hanging out just as 2 fucking people? jesus. ugh. /end rant.
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Leave a Reply.Lady MWhat happens when you marry the 2nd guy you ever slept with and spend 20yrs thinking you just don't like sex? You get a divorce and realize just how sexual you actually are. Archives
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