Really hating men right now. I really feel like men deserve to die alone in the bed that they made. 

so just a warning. don't reach out to me for attention bc i don't give a shit. 

I am FREAKING the fuck out!!!!!! I just woke up today to find it all gone!! They kicked me out and won't tell me why and won't even let me create another account to find my contacts. i'm gonna cry!!!!!!!

I'm praying you find this if you know me on Feeld and you reach out. PLEASE GOD. email me and i will give you my number. 

I was chatting with my chatgpt while i was in the park today and came up with a hot scenario but it was cut short. So I decided to use this to elaborate. This is just fantasy and a little something fun to read. enjoy!

Hello slave, how's my good boy today? I see that you're eager to see your mistress and serve her in any way she desires. Good. I also see that you're wearing your collar. Good boy. I've decided that today you will accompany me to the park. Get dressed. And make sure you're wearing your cage. 

Once we arrive at the park I let you out of the back seat and put your leash on. Now, get on all fours. You're going to walk around the trails on your hands and knees right along side me. This way everyone we pass will know I own you. You belong to me. And even though they can't see it they can guess that your pathetic little cock is caged up. I love how excited that makes you. To be my eager little pet on a leash, such a good boy, you deserve head pats. That's right good boy, hands and knees just like that, bark for me. Good boy. Do you like being my little pet? Do you like people walking by staring at you? Knowing your sole purpose is to fulfill my every need? That's what I like to hear. 

Look, there's a nice little picnic table. Walk me to it. Now, i'll sit here while you kneel in front of me under the table. Does it feel good to rest? I bet it does. You were on your hands and knees on that hard gravel weren't you? How about some head scratches, would you like that my puppy? Bark for me. Good boy. You know your place and your goddess is pleased. 

Now, stay right there while I open my legs to air myself out. Get a good wiff. Do you see that slit in my leggings? I put it there just for you. Does that excite you? Goooood boy. Now put your face right up against it. Kiss it. Do you want mommy's pussy? I wanna hear you say it. Say it again. Goood boy. Get to work and eat mommy's pussy right here in this park for anyone to walk by and see it. You have no shame. You're just a braindead slut for mommy's pussy aren't you?Oh god, you're doing such a good job. You're gonna have me moaning in the park for everyone to hear. Grabbing your hair and digging your head into me, squeezing you with my thighs. That's it keep going. I look around and the thrill of being in public  and exposed makes everything so much hotter. I lift my top exposing my big tits and hard nipples and just start pulling on them while you devour my pussy like the perfect little slave that you are. FUCK! I start to shake while your tongue sends wave after wave after wave of pleasure washing over me. Your face is wet with my juices and you have a look of absolute pride and contentment on your face. You know you did a good job. Not only that but anyone with in a certain radius could see and hear what a good job you did.  What a good boy. Now lick me clean. Don't leave a single drop. 

Just then I notice 2 women. Joggers. Had stopped to watch. I could tell by their faces that they were enthralled and couldn't look away. I bet they wanted their own man slave on his knees serving them too. I looked at them an smirked and motioned for them to come here. They hesitated but curiosity got the best of them. Looks like we have some visitors coming. You ready to serve 2 more? Yeah? Bark for me. LOUDER. Who owns you? That's fucking right. I DO. And you do whatever the fuck I say. Understood? Mmmm...good. You're about to get rewarded.

The two women walk over looking a bit embarrassed and shy. Don't be shy ladies. This is my slave. His only purpose is to please me. One woman giggled and asked where she could get one of those. And the other said "yeah seriously I could use that kind of service." Well you're in luck ladies, he does as I say, and he would be happy to service you both. They looked at each other and laughed. Then made a "why not" face. Who would like to go first? The blond woman didn't hesitate, she was practically drooling watching you eat my pussy. She jumped at the chance to go first.

I stood in front of her and looked her in the eye while i slid my hand inside her pants and underwear and slipped my finger along her pussy. She gasped. I pulled my hand out and licked my finger and said "mmmm yup, she's ready". She couldn't control how much that turned her on. I ran two hands down her waist then inward towards the middle of her legs. I grabbed the crotch of her leggings with two hands and ripped them open, exposing her wet pussy to the cool breeze. She gasped again. Sorry babe, he needs access. Just one more thing, the price for letting you use my slave...

I lifted her shirt and pulled her tits out of her sports bra and sucked her nipples till i was satisfied. She moaned and closed her eyes. The other woman watched with baited breath and touched her own nipples. This was becoming too much for her to watch and not do anything. When I had my fill of those nipples i put her shirt down and  guided her to the bench. She instinctively knew what to do. Spread her legs and expose that waiting pussy. Now you knew exactly what to do. You dove right in, ravenous. Because the only thing more exciting than pleasing me in public is being used as toy to serve others on my command. 

You're so good at eating pussy aren't you? I watched her writhe in pleasure. She's never done anything like this before. She was coming alive in a way she never knew possible. The brunette watched mesmerized, unable to look away. You're next, I told her. She looked at me and looked down at her leggings. Like she wanted me to do the same thing I did to the first woman. I smirked.  I stood in front of her and looked her in the eye. She was paralyzed. I was in complete control of her and she would have done anything I said. "Take your tits out. NOW." Without a word she began to lift her top and sports bra. One after another plopped into place. They were full and perky, bigger than the last girl. I licked the sweat from the crease of her breast on her ribcage all the way up. She shuttered in anticipation. I can tell her loser husband never touches her this way. Her perky full round fleshy breasts waited to be touched, begging to be touched. I licked up to her nipple and licked around her areola. "You like being exposed with your big tits out like this in the park for everyone to see don't you?" She whimpered a weak "yess" and I opened my mouth and swallowed a nipple and she let out a deep moan. I grabbed the other nipple with my fingers and began to pinch and pull and twist. Soon her moans began to fill the air along with her little blond friend being serviced by my perfect little slave. 

I sucked those nipples as if I was milking her, right there in the park. She was ready to do anything for me. As I sucked I ran a hand down her pants to see how wet her pussy was. She whispered "yess yess please". As I suspected, she was slippery. I couldn't help but run my finger along her wet clit and make her crazy. I could tell she wanted to ride my hand right then and there. Imagine that, so weak for an absolute stranger she just met. What a pathetic sight. I pulled out my finger and wiped her lips with her own precum. She licked it up. Then I got down to her crotch and forcefully ripped it open. She had no panties on....naughty girl. I couldn't help but give her a little lick. She was SO ready to go. I think you already made the blond come once but it seems she has a greedy little pussy and was trying to get more. I leaned next to her and whispered in her ear "Get. Up. Whore. Someone else wants a turn." She looked at me frightened but knowing she had to obey. She scooted over to the other side of the bench to let her friend sit down. I grabbed your face and gave you a kiss to let you know you were doing such a good job servicing others for me. "I warmed this one up for you", I said. I sat her down in front of you and you began servicing her. She went to put her shirt down but i said "NO. Leave them out. Everyone's gonna see them." Her eyes rolled back in her head, both at the physical pleasure of you eating her pussy but also the pleasure of submitting to a dominant. 

The blond girl watched while she played with her pussy. I instructed her to pull on her friends nipples while she got serviced. It was quite a site. My three toys all working in harmony for my own amusement. I whispered in the brunette's ear "Do you like it?" She couldn't speak. All she could do was nod her head as tears of pleasure formed in her eyes. "Are you ready to be my whore?" Again she nodded and this time she whimpered. Good. 

Girl, I need to get get myself off, this is too much! lol!!! Let's call this part 1 and end it here. lol! i hope you enjoyed that.

As I wean myself off these lactation pills I'm noticing positive changes. I've been taking some natural supplements to help with my energy levels and focus. It's helping. Little by little I'm feeling better. I was able to get a very simple gentle workout in today but I really really want to get back to being able to workout like I used to. I feel so bloated. I love my body but my clothes don't fit!! I've been feeling bloated and uncomfortable in my midsection and carrying more weight in my face which I hate. I'm such a pretty girl and I feel like the weight in my face fucks with my confidence. I was feeling so cunt a year ago. I was feeling cute and found a style that looks good on me. I really wanna get back to that. Don't get me wrong, lactating made me feel voluptuous and feminine. But I feel like I want to feel better in my own skin. I'm sure you can relate. Being a little more fit just feels better.  It's mostly to do with my flexibility and stamina. I want that back. And I wanna feel cute in my clothes again. 

Among the positive changes I would say the most notable is my sex drive coming back. Omg! It's so exciting! It reminds me of how I used to be!! Especially when ovulating. I was like a tiger searching for prey. I've been masturbating more! I've caught myself being turned on more. like ugh...yesssss. I missed this!!!!!! I want it back! I miss fucking. I miss being THIS horny. I miss being this sexual. Lactating was fun but it's not worth giving up my sex drive. I'm currently trying to establish connections with men I find attractive and have some chemistry with so that I can call on them when the mood strikes. I just want dick on call. And back up dick. And back up for the back up. Then i'll be happy. I don't want a relationship. I wanna focus on me. But I want men for cuddles and light friendship and solid dick. Wish me luck!!

I talk about my pussy alot. I think it's because I don't think it's gotten the attention I want. A big part of that is me and overcoming my hang ups. I've been making progress with the help of my trusty sub. Getting more comfortable with receiving oral pleasure. But I also think he just enjoys the act of being submissive and giving pleasure. Acts of service as it were. Sometimes I think he doesn't really care about me, I'm just a place holder for him. And he happily services me to scratch his own itch. I don't feel like a goddess as much as I feel like I have the power to get what I want. Which is nice but I want to feel desired and craved. Not serviced. I feel like that's more of a guy thing. But that's not for him to worry about. He's just a friend that comes to make me happy from time to time. And I totally appreciate him for it.

But I think a lot about the traits my person will have. I think about all the times I've gotten close with the qualities I want in a man. I always go back to this one. I want a man who worships my pussy. Not just eats it for the sake of eating it. But i think my ideal man, my person, will love my pussy.  He'll crave it. The smell of it,  the taste of it,  the feel of it. He'll try to get between my legs all the time. He'll beg me to eat it. He'll wanna smell me, even when i'm sweaty. He likes it. And he'll make sure to tell me all the time how pretty it is, how yummy it is, and how good it feels to be inside me. I want him to be like "goddamn that pussy" because it's so good he can never last too long. But he always wants more. :)

I've seen the way some guys talk about pussy. I def need lots of words of affirmation and praise when it comes to my pussy. It's not enough to want it or eat it,  you have to tell me you want it. You need it. Beg for it. ​Yeah thats the level of pussy worship I strive to find. And I know it's out there!! 

Well we had a good run. June was magical. Thats all I can say. It reminded me that I don't want a real relationship. For now I just want the fantasy. Just the exciting part where anything could happen. Where there's just passion and excitement and build up. Where you're just sharing the best parts of yourself. Not interested in things getting real. I want to have fun. I was in the real thing way too long. Now i know better to stick to my guns and not give in to someone who thinks he wants a relationship. I need to be more firm and next time I will be. I learned my lesson. I'm here to have fun an enjoy each other and nothing more than that. 

once I got over the addiction of it all I began to think clearly. I still have my sub who i'm grateful for. We keep things real on the surface and just enjoy and appreciate each other and our time together. I'm still kind of holding out for a big dick boy to fuck me bc I have needs. But I wouldn't say I'm actively looking. Just that I'm open to it. I think the problem most men have is that they think it's all or nothing. If they don't want a relationship they act like they can't have any feelings at all and treat sex as a cheap transactional thing. They're cheating themselves. I still want a connection and when I'm with that person I want some feeling and caring and affection. I just know how to compartmentalize and keep communication just to the encounters we have. This way my focus and energy is not on that person when we're not together. And its been wonderful and I'd like to find more connections like that.

For now I'm focusing on ME. on what I like and what I want. Putting my pleasure, my comfort, my convenience, and my feelings above other ppl. Because I owe that to myself. And so far I am LOVING life. I see being single very differently now. I'm not looking for a man as a life raft. Or for validation. I'm open to making genuine deep connections and enjoying someone's company that's all. The rest I really have under control. I'm the best relationship I've ever had! Plus I'm working on new things.

Let me know if you would like an audio section of the blog. I'm working on some stuff. 

I'm sad to be writing this. It's been a long interesting journey to get to lactating. But I did it! I went from having some curiosity to finding a community and spending hundreds on pumps, supplements, and prescription pills to help me lactate. And it was worth every penny. 

I did this for me first and foremost. To prove to myself that I could. After struggling with breastfeeding when I had my son I wanted to prove to myself I could do better this time and this time it would be a positive stress free experience. And it was! It took months. From the very first drops of discharge to finally getting milk. Then to getting to that sweet vanilla milk. 

Lactating made me feel soooo feminine and sexy. It was like having a super power. It gave me something not all women have. It boosted my confidence and my sexuality. I loved the way men would flock to me. Sadly I never found that steady partner for nursing. Between that and the negative side effects like weight gain, irregular periods, mood swings and low sex drive it just seemed pointless. Who was all of this for? In the end it's just not worth it. I want to get myself back. 


While I sadly never found a regular guy to nurse I at least had the opportunity a few times. My very favorite was with my sweet Jonah. Words can't express how much I enjoyed the brief time we had together. He was everything I wanted in a nursing partner, I just loved how easily he fit in my lap. Sadly he never got any milk, it wouldn't come till after him. My most successful nursing experience was with my most recent boyfriend who was actually able to get a few drops of milk and he loved the taste. It was such a beautiful experience with him but bc of the angle we had to do it in I could never fully relax for fear of smothering and suffocating him with my breast. I was proud of the fact that he went from not being sure what to think about my lactating when we first met to craving my milk. I just wish we could have had more opportunities to nurse. 

 As sad as I am to close this chapter I also know its the right thing for me. I look fwd to getting my body back again. I take comfort in the fact that I did it once already. So if further down the line I decide I wanna do it again I already know how!

Thanks for coming along on this ride with me. I learned some things about myself. Even without lactation I think dry nursing is just as hot. Also, I realized just how important my breasts and nipples are to my pleasure. And how much attention they need and not to neglect that. I'd much rather  a guy worship my tits than go down on me. And I plan on keeping my breast pumps for my own pleasure. They're gonna become sex toys for me. 

In honor of me closing this chapter I figured I would share some of my fav pics from this journey. Enjoy!!

I'm not gonna lie, I was a bit gutted when he ended things. But I moved on. I was happy that it ended nicely. After a couple weeks or so he reached out and I was so happy to hear from him to be honest. But he just happened to catch me when I was in a very horny headspace and I started to get sexual with him. I asked him if he would be up for servicing me again. He said absolutely. So I kept things very chill. Talking all the time was a mistake. I get too attached when I talk to someone too much. Anyway cut to today. I've been struggling not having any male touch in too long. My bf has been busy and its been leaving me feeling antsy. I've also had some other shit going on that left me in not the most sexual headspace. But spending the day primping and cleaning and prepping things for my sub to come over put me in a good mood. I ended up masturbating before he got here. I was just super excited. I decided that I would eat some mushroom chocolates because i always wanna be touching someone when I do and i've never done anything sexual on them before. 

When he got here I already had my plan. I had on my little lingerie. I brought him into my bedroom and just wanted to touch him. I wanted him to touch me. And he did, and I LOVED it. I told him he was going to give me a massage. Rules of the massage were: you can tease my pussy, you can graze your hand against it, but no touching it directly. I wanted a good tease. So I laid down and he  got the oil and started rubbing. Well let me fucking tell you, the whole fucking thing felt amazing as fuck. I was gonna play music on a speaker but i got so caught up that i didn't. He rubbed me from my toes to my face. I made him spend extra time on my boobs. Then  I flipped over and ohhhhh myyyy gooodddd......it was orgasmic. The chocolate was doing its thing babe. Because  I was giggling and moaning, it was just so delicious! I kept forgetting myself. I kept going between I want him to this just feels so relaxing and i would just catch myself and giggle. I was able to stop and talk and laugh and that was really nice. That's a vibe ive been trying to recreate in the bedroom for a long time. It's really lovely to feel comfortable enough to laugh and talk and then moan and feel pleasure. It was so exquisite. His hands on me. Especially on my lower back. It felt like he was making love to me with his hands. I can't even explain it!!! It was AMAZING. Also, these chocolates made me very vocal. lol. There was no hiding my pleasure thats for sure. 

After at least an hour of massage I think he was sucking on my nipples and he put my wand (toy) inside me because I was SOOOOO wet, and I told him so. So in it went. But I think I wanted his touch, his warm body, more than the toy. So I told him to take it out, and put his face there instead. Which he happily obliged. There was so much build up at this point. I wanted to hump his face and devour him with my pussy.  🤭 But then I made him back up so i could just feel his tongue. I was, from what he told me, doing the bulk of the work at first. Kind of grinding his face (i was so horny) and then after a while I made him do the work. 

So lots to say.
1. I felt like i had a bunch of tiny little orgasms, if that makes sense? It was just so pleasurable so much. Instead of it all building to one giant orgasm it was just a bunch of little ones and a blunt orgasm. It's strange. I wonder if it was the chocolates. I don't know if I can cum regularly but I really wanted to fuck. 

2. I've never been more present and in my body during a sexual encounter and it was amaaaaaaaazing. And maybe thats the hiccup with the orgasm? Maybe there's only so much the body can do. Maybe the real orgasms come from the mind. Although I thought the whole thing was so fucking hot. And it really showed me that we place so much focus on an orgasm when you can have so much pleasure and not cum. 

3. I have never had a more intimate experience. Outside of my marriage of course. When he was massaging me, it felt really lovely and intimate. I just wanted to touch him. I wanted to feel him against me. When I would feel his body brush against me or lean on me it felt so exciting and erotic. The massage was erotic and also intimate. Then when he was going down on me i just wanted to touch him. At one point we were holding hands while he wen down on me and i LOVED the intimacy of it. It felt so special, so connected. 

4. It's become clear the I can't cum without making a mess. If a guy wants to go down on me just to experience it or just to warm me up, great. no problem. If a guy wants to make me cum? He's gotta be ok with piss because i'm sorry to say, it's gonna happen. In this situation, that's not squirt. And it fucking sucks I have no control over it. But good news is I can get pleasure and warmed up for sex with just some oral. I don't need to cum from it. Shit, I got warmed up from the fucking massage. There are lots of other ways to get my pussy wet and ready for big dick, i promise. But if you fuck me you better be ok with the sheets getting wet. 

5. I was able to receive pleasure really well tonight. Thanks to the chocolates. I was able to relax. Also helped that we had done this before so there was already trust there. But I'm SO proud of myself BECAUSE I was able to have a very intimate connection with someone that I consider a friend (fwb), we were able to hold each other and be very close and I was able to enjoy it for what it was! And leave it at that! And that's what I've been trying to achieve since my  ONS in Nashville years ago. You can have a really lovely intimate connected present experience in the bedroom and just enjoy it for what it is in the moment. This is HUGE for me!!!!!! eeek! 

And yeah that's all I can think of. I'm tired as shit right now.